Most the minorities that this article pretends to be concerned for don't wait tables

Why not? By your own analysis, "servers make bank." I'm gonna guess it's the externalities discussed in the article, such as the fact that white men tend to be tippers, and they tend to tip white women better.

And obviously - the brunt of the direct cost of minimum wage increases is going to be shouldered by employers. The reaction should not be "preserve the injustice" however. The divide always comes down to restauranteurs declaring the unfairness of shouldering the burden of the expense of wages and literally everyone else declaring the unfairness of forcing literally everyone else to figure out the economics of restaurant service on the fly. Usually, this takes the form of complaint about margins. Usually, these arguments are made as if suggested gratuities haven't climbed from 15% to 25% in the past 10 years. Usually, these arguments are made as if the price of well drinks hasn't climbed from $3 to $8 in the past 15 years. I had a double jim beam at a dive bar two weeks ago. I was charged $18. Then I was expected to tip $5, because it's rude to round down. Even with the usurious liquor taxes in WA state I can buy a bottle of Jim Beam for $16. Is there overhead? Sure. Are there factors not being considered? Absolutely. Do you make more money on dessert than you do on chicken? 100%. But why am I expected to know this stuff?

I mixed Joe Bostianich and Gordon Ramsay explaining the mechanics of tip skimming to Graham Norton once. We weren't rolling and they forgot that there were 9 sound mixers listening in on their mics. Based on the hot links, I suspect Graham did the right thing and some of that audio maybe made its way to plaintiffs. But I know this, most people don't. I know that serving at Olive Garden is a losing cost proposition. Most people don't. I know that tip pooling can be required by states, but can't be carried out by employers, meaning that there's a whole 'nuther level of shadyness behind the scenes and I know that automatic gratuities aren't classified as tips under federal law meaning sometimes when I'm tipping, I'm not tipping and sometimes when I'm not tipping, I'm tipping.

And really. Fuck everything about that. I just want a goddamn burger.

Slap a fucking gratuity on it and don't put a tip line on the receipt. SORTED. Now I don't need to wonder if I'm tipping a lot because she's good or because she's hot, I don't need to wonder if the service sucked because she's on her cell phone or because the kitchen hates her, I don't need to worry about hassling the busboy to bring me water because he isn't being tipped out enough to deal with my ass, I don't need to worry that she needs 25% rather than 20% because the computer she punches my order into is sucking 5% off the top.

And you get to keep my "tip" to pay your staff their wage out of.