Rules are personal and usually arise from learning more about oneself and what one needs. kleinbl00 says this below: "My experience has been that those who refuse to so much as pay lip service to the power struggle at the heart of the dance tend to end up with fellow socially-maladroit individuals." What is the power struggle at the heart of the dance? kb will have his own definition, but when _refugee_ decides not to initiate texting -- she perceives herself to have less "power" in the relationship dance than the other person. In other words, she has more to lose. If she initiates a text, wants a response, but doesn't get one, she feels crappy. She can protect herself by creating the rule not to initiate a text. Does that not make sense? I think we are talking her about the pre-relationship phase. Once a relationship of relative equality is established, the dialogue changes.

You, T-Dog, make an excellent point. With shy people, there is much less of a power dynamic. The shy person probably perceives him or herself as having no power in the situation. Someone has to take the risky first step and INITIATE something.

Sometimes the hints and social cues are totally missed and the girl has to say, "Lie on my back and rub against me." Did you ever see my love story for shy people? I should write a verson where the shy person is the boy.

Last point: The question what are your rules/guidelines for the dating stages of relationships could be reframed as: How do you protect your heart?