Living in Los Angeles has convinced me of one unassailable truism:

I will never own a German vehicle. Period. End of line. I just don't want to associate with the flagrant douchebaggery I see every day.

As far as the CB1300 (not CBR1300), I would guess it's because Honda knows that market is niche at best and the people who haven't bought a V-max already are probably buying a Diavel or a Thruxton.

How I decided on my bike

So the KLR cracked its frame somewhere between LA and Taos. This was (and is) a severe Party Foul in my book - I mean, I rebuilt the wiring harness on that piece of shit at least three times, molycoddled its stupid little Keihin, tightened its goddamn elephantine gas tank every six months, changed out its goddamn ignition switch, you name it. But if the fuckin' frame is gonna crack, who knows what's gonna do next?

So I set out to see what the hell else I was interested in riding. And the hell and gone out in Simi Valley, there was a thrashed-out '98 Triumph Tiger and a thrashed-out Aprilia Caponord. And I figured what the fuck, I'd go ride out there and give them both a try.

So I get there and the Triumph won't start. The Aprilia won't start (and they're ridiculous - you ever been next to one? They're like Goldwings on monster truck suspension) and it's banana yellow besides. And they had a bunch of brand new Teneres for a gajillion dollars, and a bunch of brand new Tigers for a gajillion dollars, and over there, neglected, where nobody could really see it, was a goddamn unicorn.

And since I couldn't test-ride the triumph, and since I couldn't test-ride the Caponord (and didn't want to any longer), let's test-ride the unicorn. Because you'll never so much as see one ever again, let alone ride one, and if someone is willing to give you the keys to a Maserati, take 'em, son.

And oh my god. Dat bike.

One would think that an 1100cc Italian pretend-dualsport would be unholy and frightening. One would think that such an odd and exotic monstrosity would emphasize with its every move just what a radical and dangerous possession it truly is. One would think that a vehicle rarer and less-known than a bloody bimota would have all sorts of characteristics that would make it clear in no uncertain terms why it was sitting, alone and forlorn, at a used bike dealership in Simi Valley with less than 1500 miles on it. HOWEVER:

It's a peach. It's stupendously well-behaved. It's the most predictable, stable, benign motorcycle I've ever sat on let alone ridden. And oh god. The sound. It has a sound unlike any other. Aspects of a pure, uninsulated race triple with few concessions to reality. It was kind of terrifying at first - the idle was set too low so it sounded remarkably like a garbage truck at lights, then you'd put your wrist in it and HOLY FUCK

I probably spent a solid month in intense research to try and figure out if I actually wanted to be responsible for the care and feeding of a 1-in-7 Italian exotic so far from home. The local Italian bike specialists won't touch it. You have to get parts from a guy named Steve in Philly. But there's a friendly and thriving internet community in the UK (where they're still available) and the same insane shop that tweaks Vyrus and Bimota (maniacmotors.de) tweaks the fuck out of Benellis, too.

Best part is that it's got an Athena ECM, the same one Bimota uses… which means you can plug into it with your laptop and change whatever you want. Even better, it's got a big stupid button on the dash labeled "Benelli" that when you press it, flips fuel maps on the fly. So you can have your nice, conservative saves-gas and idles-appropriately map on one setting, and your 15mpg-idles-like-crap-but-holy-fuck-get-it-above-5k-and-it-will-tear-your-face-off on the other and you're in for a treat.

It really rewards riding like a jackass. That bike is capable of so much more than I am. But it also rewards riding like a citizen. It's got ridonkulously stupidly big Brembos in the front and it's just a joy in traffic. I was astonished at how much safer I feel on 130HP of italian insanity than I did on 650CC of conservative Kawasaki.

I ended up getting it for $200 more than the shop had taken it in on trade six months earlier… and approximately a third the asking price when it was still being sold by dealers. In other words, I paid less for it than I would have for a late-model CBR600. One of my least-regretted decisions of my entire life.

Only downside is once you've acclimatized to owning a Benelli you start thinking that things like a Vyrus or a Bimota might not be so crazy. Not gonna lie, seriously thinking of building one of these.