I hate small talk, and I avoid it at all costs.

I love that about you!

the thing women love to talk about more than anything is themselves.

That's your experience I guess. I'm actually quite uncomfortable talking about myself. theadvancedapes was kindly grilling me on the topic all the way to Detroit. Bless (I mean bless in an atheistic way) his heart. In any event, I'm glad you've found a topic that works.

Similarly, all the women's dating advice books say to ask men to talk about themselves. Regardless of gender or gender preference, it's flattering and kind to take a genuine interest in another person and they are likely to respond well.

That's the hard part for shy people - what to say, what to ask. I'd like to write a whole play of possible shy dialogues. (Note to self).

In the conversation that led to my blog post, students were specifically asking me how to get a conversation going when they did want to engage.

They were also very interested in knowing what to say at meetups with industry recruiters who were looking for interns. They might have an area of fascination or specialization, yet recruiters might be looking for something else, yet they still want to make a good impression. That's a post for another day.

Note also - there are inter-cultural factors at play also. Most of my students are from continents far away.