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I don't know. I suppose I'm strange in the sense that I've never felt that "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" was ever a good way to deal with childhood bullying or trauma. Much in the same way that parents will typically tell their kids "ehhh, don't worry about it you'll never see them again after high school." I think most adults seriously forget the pain kids are actually going through. Chalking it up to a natural consequence of poor impulse control does nothing to help the victims of it. We're trying to raise children to be adults, not children, and adults engage in bullying and poor impulse control too. Sending a message that being an exclusionary asshole is not okay is okay imo.
I can deal with people telling me to fuck off at work. But I don't think I acquired that skill from being made antifragile through exposure to verbal taunts. I got those skills from developing myself intellectually, socially, as a result of the love and input of others. I don't think martial arts would have helped. In my experience kids who are told to toughen up learn to repress their feelings and develop more issues as a result. Problems you and I would brush off as meaningless can genuinely drive kids and teens to the point of suicide. How does the learning process continue if you're dead? The article posts a link to a definition of bullying they consider to be too broad.
- An Imbalance of Power: Kids who bully use their power—such as physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity—to control or harm others. Power imbalances can
change over time and in different situations, even if they involve the same people.
Repetition: Bullying behaviors happen more than once or have the potential to happen more
It's not that crazy. Seems perfectly reasonable to me. Social structures in elementary/high school make no sense. And kids have no frame of reference. The reason adults say "wait until you're older" is because they have that frame, the realization that most of those kids are only winning because the game is rigged. Is that 250-lb football dick who used to taunt me in math class going to produce the grand unified theory anytime soon? No. But in the heat of the moment, no, they're on the top of the social ladder, have their shit together!, and are perpetuating a hierarchy that's preventing you from forming meaningful relationships, getting laid, getting high in peace, rocking out, whatever. Kids have an intense need to feel belonging, to feel accepted, and completing opting out of the social life in the only area they can have one doesn't really work.
I got bullied mad in high school. It affected me greatly. No it wasn't "the threat of physical violence". The way I tried to deal with it at the time was to go full Buddhist and send them loving-kindness. It kind of worked. But really I regret repressing my emotions. I don't know how free range kids is exactly connected to bullying. Sure, schools may be overzealous with zero tolerance policies, but telling the teacher doesn't work at 16. Hanging out outside of school is basically regulated by parents. My parents couldn't give a Craig Toronto Fuck what I was doing outside. I'd come home at 7am hallucinating and breakfast was ready.
Grade 11. I was in law class with an ex-military history teacher who used to routinely make fun of all the kids in his class. I have never met someone with a bigger ego in my life. This guy was the epitome of the macho-male bullshit jock mentality keeping the entire planet Earth in the fucking bayou. One day I was late for class and he thought it would be funny to lock me outside the classroom and spent 10 minutes asking the entire class if I was a zombie or a werewolf. Hilarious. I didn't look goth at all. I had sort of long hair and a tiny ass hoodie. That experience broke my teenage soul, made me alienated as heck, and was one of the contributing factors to nearly downing 110 valiums when I was 17. As an adult I could have brushed if off thinking "yeah, this guy is a loser, I know calculus", but it's not the same when you're 17 and your social experience is limited to your high school, being madly in love with the girl sitting in front of you and the 20-something legends at your pizza joint.
The only way to make kids antifragile is to send them unconditional love. Forever.
Typing this comment out on a Raspberry Pi hooked to the big screen right now. Checking out all the programming languages and development options makes me depressed at how little I coded after high school. But that's my own fault. There's about a week left until I fly away and get on a cruise ship. Which is great, because I'm basically the opposite of the kind of person that goes on a cruise.
I used to have no idea what I wanted to do with my life but I'm finding that deep down I really do know, it just requires a boatload of courage. Being an artist comes to mind. I'm going to make a music video, it's just I'm not willing to abandon math and science pursuits completely to do so.
Words cannot describe the irrational rage I fly into every time I hear about Vice. I knew they were fake the moment I discovered them in the 10th grade when all the square kids who would never dare touch weed in their life were into it. God can only hope that one day they're eventually liquidated and all their employees are forced to find regular employment in the economy. At companies that drug test. I'm no conservative, but Vice makes me want to clench on to the Bible for dear life.
Last exam of the semester. Woot! I shifted degrees from macroeconomics to computer science this year. When I was 18 I enrolled in a B.A. in politics after going on exchange my senior year of high school with the stated goal of "destroying the capitalist system". Then I realized the capitalist system really didn't like being destroyed. Also been binging a lot on pure math, which is fun. After this I'll be working at the pizza joint and going on a free cruise at the end of May, thanks to a mutual friend breaking up with his girlfriend right before. I'll try to post some pics.
Wellll this is the problem that has haunted us for ages, isn't it. We want to create a world based on love but when large swaths of people are willing to use force and elected power to establish their vision of less for everyone else, do we fight back or try to destroy them with love?
Is loving your neighbour allowing them to die because they can't afford health insurance? The problem is American politics has been tilted right for so long that "doing nothing and loving your neighbour" is just going to lead to more Trumpian shenanigans, tax cuts for the wealthy, driving up the cost of healthcare, the introduction of more reactionary policies in the justice system, the freezing of the minimum wage at $7/hour or whatever it is currently.
I recommend those at Brooks' blog purchase a membership card to Centrist Chads International.
Good morning Hubski.
I decided to stop drinking coffee because it turned into a pretty mad addiction. Several cups before and after basically every class I had which sucks. I don't really know why I stopped but after spending some time outside the city and in nature I think I just came to a collective realization that I'd been unhealthy af and using several forms of speed to get through the day. Had a holy shit moment looking at the stars with friends and feeling more connected than ever. It's easy to forget about these things when you're grinding away in the city and getting increasingly socially isolated.
Working at the pizza joint on the birthday suxxxx
but hopefully I can get the shift changed.
Thanks for sharing. Man I feel bad for Ryan. I think at that age it's impossible to not be controlled by every authority figure around you and you feel like one wrong move will lead to your inevitable downfall. Which fucking blows.
- After school, Ryan usually goes home. He doesn’t drink or do drugs. “Parties are stupid,” he says, “because it’s where guys get drunk and talk about threesomes. It’s lame.” He isn’t part of any social clique—not the football guys, the volleyball girls, the Pokémon players, the anime lovers, the choir kids, the guys who work on cars, and definitely not the “white guys who all hang out with their trucks and guns and say, ‘Heil Trump’ and all that.”
In my experience not feeling like you fit into one particular "clique" was the best part of high school. I hung out with literally everyone and it was fucking beautiful. Also, blowing off party culture doesn't mean you can't go outside and have fun. The absolute worst thing you can do is stay inside all day, play video games and only focus on school. I'm early-20's now, and nobody regrets having fun in high school (unless they completely failed out). The people I've met mostly were sad at how miserable they were. They envied the adventure.
I hope he's able to find peace and have a good time. We need all the love we can get.
Jesus H., it sounds like a condensed version of the Joe Rogan Experience. How am I going to explain to my kids that DMT is a tool of the alt-right and they should stick to alcohol?
That would have seriously helped when a lot of us were in high school.
Is it bad I'm reading this article on gasp a smartphone?
- In 2004, when Cal Newport was still an undergrad at Dartmouth, all his friends were making accounts on a new website called Facebook. Newport opted out.
It sounds like Mr. Cal Newport has been trying to avoid technology for a while. The reason technology is driving him crazy has little to do with the tech itself. Rather, life is driving him crazy, and he thinks if he unplugs from life he'll become magically satisfied having reclaimed that time to stare at a wall and write shitty self help books (also an addiction see: my brother).
- Okay, well what's the cost in terms of my time attention required to have this device in my life?
Or reading a newspaper. What about decades ago when the average American used to spend 5 hours a day watching television? Everything in life is addictive. Information is addictive. Books are addictive. Falling in love is addictive. Comparing it to cigarettes is absolute mayhem given AS A MILLENIAL there are many people my age hacking the darts and posting on Instagram and only one of those behaviours is giving you a fucking tumour. Somehow my dad managed to get distracted enough to fail out of the university in the 70's without smartphones. It was called playing pool and getting piss drunk every weekend. Didn't need any deep work for that.