I don't find that the font, Comic Sans, or otherwise, diminishes the holy-shit factor by even the tinest amount, really. I'm not sure that even kittens could sugarcoat a near miss of this magnitude.
Well ok. Maybe really cute ones.
"Awwwww, lookit cute kitty, with soft cuddly news about how close the planet came to getting fucking sterilized"
Nope, that don't work either!