I just call her my dear/my love. The ongoing question is what to name her. I remember explicitly a speaker in health back in that same freshman year who was there to talk about aging. She said "you'll never go through this much change in so few years ever again". Clearly, she meant height, hair, vocal chords, etc. but I felt it to be also very symbolic. In those years, we're a singularity of vulnerability. Any little influence changes everything we stand for, everything we believe in. Reading a great book will change you like the way the Doctor regenerates. All of a sudden you have different friends, a different sense of fashion, etc. Likewise, Muhammad Ali said "The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life." which while portrays change as positive, treats change as a necessary thing.

This is one of the bigger themes of my life so far, or at least one of the things I spend sleepless nights thinking about. I don't like change, it's scary. At any given time I think "the way I am now, the interests, the friends are perfect. Why would I ever want to change?" but the way you never notice the hour hand move on a clock.. the way you never realize the sun moving above your ahead.. suddenly it's a year later and I'm completely different.

I'm a lot older now, but I don't consider myself an "adult" quite yet. In that vein, I'm not getting any tattoos, not making any long term decisions, etc. which I will most likely regret.

Likewise, I don't want to name her something that I'll just think is stupid later in the future.

If anything though, it's getting to be a real problem.

Despite that I really try to live by the ol' saying "regret feels worse than rejection"..

I always go around it by saying "anything I DO do right now, I would just regret!"

change isn't always a bad thing though, and at my age a few regrets might not be so bad. :)

EDIT: Man, just typing out my thoughts like this is therapy! I honestly feel better just putting this into words that I can see. It's like.. looking in a mirror in a dream. You're so used to the usual thing, you know what to expect. Not when something peculiar stares right back at you.