Working on this movie. Dialog is a wreck. Money ran out shortly before filming so their skeletal sound package got split up into two not-worthy-for-spares packages to be operated by unskilled crew. I'm tooth and claw on this thing, battling by inches. A machine gun fight on a sailboat took me half a day to synthesize out of whole cloth but I can do about two to three minutes a day of dialog cleanup. The movie needs to sell for more than 3x its budget for my friends to get paid. It will; the last time I dealt with this shit I took an unsellable movie and created something that sold in 27 markets. But it's trench warfare. Last night I dreamed the producer, a good friend of mine, had been convinced by Tom Morello to traffic biker meth. My friend huffed it instead, went paranoid and murdered his wife and baby daughter. It then became my job to bring him groceries and companionship while the LAPD kept him chained to a Peloton. Since they were the LAPD, they didn't restrict his access to methamphetamine (my dream my rules). Probably 50% of my day is dealing with other peoples' bullshit. It's usually okay because the way I make that terrified, depressed, suicidal, bulimic teenager on the inside feel better is by making other people feel better. But when the only thing you can do is prevent failure, and the only way to do it is invisible, and there is absolutely.no.one you can turn to when shit isn't working? I'm probably looking at three months of unpaid work to get this movie to the place it would have been automatically if they'd chosen to pay me to fly out and fucking record it as well as mix it. It's like that subplot in Argo - eventually, the Iranians will have pieced together the shredded documents but all you can do is watch them do the most pointless, demeaning, ridiculous bullshit in an attempt to murder our heroes. "Security through tedium" - if you chop it up enough, no one will bother. You aren't supposed to do it to your friends. I shattered a switchplate yesterday by slapping it into the wall. My daughter was giving me attitude about peeling potatoes. She's the one who likes mashed potatoes, I fucking hate them. When you're spending months toiling in obscurity for a movie that will lose hundreds of thousands of dollars if you don't, the simple approval of making fucking dinner counts for a lot. She's ten, though, what does she know. And her friends are spoiled rich brats. "You spent the weekend on the boat, that's nice, where did you go?" "I don't know." "Well, what did you do with your time?" "stayed in my room and watched Youtube." "your room... at the hotel?" "my room on the boat." I'd hand over the dialog on this thing to someone else except I don't know of anyone else who could fix it. Which sounds arrogant AF but fuck you I've earned it. I'm fucking good at my job, have always been fucking good at my job, and no one will ever fucking know or care. "Why can't we understand dialog in movies and TV anymore? It must be because we secretly enjoy reading!" No, fuckers, it's because the entertainment industry is run by entitled manchildren whose principle qualification is Daddy Pays For My Shit. "ZOMFG you mean you need to MIX it after you edit it? but nobody made us do that to our recently-cancelled show!" Friend who likes to shoot the shit with me about the history of the American watch industry is giving a paid lecture about the history of the American watch industry in front of one of the most esteemed groups in horology. Of my friends? He's probably the least educated about the American watch industry. This is the second time that organization is having him back. Meanwhile I'm at a standstill so that I can Bakhmut the dialog on this movie. On the plus side, we found out two months ago that our competitor to the north was going out of business, a month ago that our competitor to the south was going out of business, this morning that a competitor to the southeast of us is retiring in the spring and that a competitor directly north is retiring in the summer. We gave out bonuses. The year sucked and only the strong will survive, and we fucking survived. On the minus side, the pitocin shortage is getting way worse so not only are there about to be a bunch of pregnant women clogging the hospitals, they're that much more likely to bleed out and die. Which makes it hard to justify giving a fuck about - wait for it - movie dialogue. But since I'm basically the quasimodo in the belfry of the birth industry around here, it's all I'm allowed to give a fuck about. This was the first christmas I didn't have to have an awkward conversation with either of my parents. On the one hand, that was nice. On the other hand it would have been nice if they'd tried.
I talked in a past pubski about how I felt a general lack of purpose and desire to do more. The feeling has gnawed at me for ages... I lost all interest in medicine and have quite my program. So I returned to Ukraine about a month ago. The sense of purpose is back and I feel more content than I have in the past 6 months of comfy living going to school in San Francisco. It's been a great time, working with interesting people for a shared positive reason. It's a completely different vibe than the last time I was here-the country (at least the area I am in) has settled into wartime in a weirdly easygoing way. There are plenty of oddities- I watched a Kalibr missile fly past me the other day, just cruising along at an incredibly low altitude. That being said I know I can only do this for so long. This organization has zero ability for forward progression and the work is very repetitive. For my actual career I have no idea what I truly want to do. I want to do more and achieve more but hell I have no idea what that would look like. I have the conflicting goals of wanting to work in remote areas/emergencies and building a family with a solid home life. I've been advised to work with a career counselor, which I guess can't hurt. After a decade of being so sure of my path it's a weird place to be.
Ukraine is about to be absolutely flush in cash, as foreign companies and governments come in to rebuild what Russia has destroyed. And once Crimea is back within Ukraine's borders, there will be a huge amount of work to do there, too. I was in the Balkans after the wars there, working with the peacekeeping forces. Many many people got absolutely filthy rich, by providing things to the foreigners coming in to help. A fleet of 10 Toyota Land Cruisers - each one rented to an NGO for $5k/month, for 4 years straight - was enough to set up an entire family for life. A welder with his own equipment could charge literally anything he wanted - $1000/day - when he showed up to a site that needed him. Then they'd refer him to someone else. He lived out of his truck for a year, and made enough money to retire for life. And then there will be the companies that want to move operations into Ukraine to take advantage of the newly built infrastructure. For example, if you manufacture automatic transmissions, a BRAND NEW factory in Kiev with skilled Ukrainian workers is a VERY tasty investment for Mr. CEO at big-name-car-brand. That building needs staff from janitors to senior managers, and everything in between. Staying in the Ukraine, being social and connected and helpful to people around you, will lead to opportunities you simply couldn't conceive of today. My friend Mirsad in Sarajevo had a small company making trophies, and engraving plaques for trophies for local kids groups and sports teams. He made some stuff for us, and we got him connected to the US Military, and he began making plaques and commemorative coins (souvenirs soldiers trade and cherish) for the military in country, which led to a contract with AAFES worldwide, which required him to build an entire factory and employ over 50 people!! Countries recovering from war - especially when they are victorious - are rich lands of opportunity for any smart person standing around. Stay there. Do the work that interest you, and that you enjoy, and talk to everyone. Be helpful. You never know what will come of it... ... but I know those same opportunities will NEVER arise in San Francisco, where you'll just be another cog in someone else's machine.
In the immortal words of JP Morgan Chase, "natural disasters are great for GDP and terrible for the economy." It's not money you would have spent, given a choice? But there's no longer a choice. When I visited London at 13 I asked our hosts why the place was half skyscraper, half thatched roof. "Because the Blitz didn't bomb everything," they said. The opportunities present in Ukraine have come at an unforgivable price. That price is only going to go up. But for people of character and ability, there is likely to be an opportunity to reshape destinies. I think both goobster and I can agree that a career is that thing you get when you move from opportunity to opportunity. If you're somewhere that inspires you, doing things that reward you, the absolute best thing to do is to keep doing that to see what opportunities open up. Worst case scenario you end up with a blank spot on your resume where, if they ask, you say "I was fighting the Russians and rebuilding Ukraine."
Maybe do what doesn't suck until either: (1) it starts sucking, or (2) you find something you'd want to do? Taking some time away from things might do you wonders. You are in a... dare I say, peculiar position right now, not so much as where you are but the prospects of working in an environment where any and all help is appreciated. You could do ten different things in a day if you talk to enough people, regardless of where you are in the country. Coordination of collection and delivery of goods (military or civilian), gathering the news, volunteering for EMS (or firefighters), social promo work in regards to donations to Ukraine – hell, sewing together defensive green drapes is a thing you could do. That, and dozens of other things. While the overall situation is horrendous – you know damn well where I stand on this fucking war – it may pay off for you personally.
Made my first donation in support of Ukraine. 20 € isn't a lot, but it's going to be recurring. I made that promise all the way back in Russia, and now I'm in a position where spending 20 € monthly isn't going to affect my lifestyle in the slightest. I don't expect anybody else to donate, Russian or otherwise. It's a privilege for me to be able to do so. I feel like the resentment is going to be there no matter how much money I donate. It would be a perfectly understandable response. This is, if anything, an attempt to wash the blood of my hands, even though I did nothing to help the regime perpetrate the war. Putin chose for us all, and now everyone but him and his cronies are going to pay the price. I wish nothing but the best for the people of Ukraine. Слава Україні.
Everything counts. Putin and his cronies will pay eventually, in part to donations like yours. героям слава
I miss you hubski! Family I just spent eleven days with my wife and two of the kids in Florida and on a cruise. Weather-wise, it couldn't have been better. We missed two massive snow dumps at home. Otherwise it was nice. It's never FULL vacation when you have kids with you - too much planning, negotiating, scheduling etc. - but it's still nice to get away and have some fun. Work Career is in a good spot. I'm still feeling challenged and pushing for some new things. When I took this role fifteen months ago, it was an individual contributor. A year ago when leadership shuffled, I found myself interim leader of a whole department but after hiring my boss six months ago, I'm down to managing a smaller team. I do think I miss being an IC... but I don't mind managing. People are kinda my thing. Life Health experiment is still going well. I was down about 30 pounds at the start of the holiday season. Yes, I'm back up a little bit (intentionally - I wanted to enjoy some food), but interestingly, I really didn't eat to total excess and this week I'm craving the low calorie foods. The snow is putting a damper on my cycling plans, but I'll still find a way to get active. The mental/psychological/emotional piece is still so strange to me... what a bizarre connection I've built to food over the years... still hacking at that. Miscellaneous I've operated vehicles on four continents, in a dozen countries, and at least 30 of the states.... I've never experienced anything like driving in Miami, Florida. That place is BONKERS.
The Individual Contributor role is a double-edged sword; on one hand, almost complete autonomy while making a good salary. On the other hand, no growth path in the corporation. I'm an IC at my company: completely self-contained and self-managed. I write proposals/bids for government technology contracts, but I write the proposal for our salespeople. They put their name on my document once I am done with it. So they also make the commission. (Which is fine with me... I'd rather a good salary than a big commission any day!) But I do the job of 3 different people: researcher who finds the opportunities, writer who creates the content, and layout artist who creates the final document in InDesign. Replacing me would take a very unique person. But ... this is the first time in my life I have had a title/role that can be searched in job listings. So I'm looking around at other proposal writing/management roles, and realizing how little I'd need to do anywhere else... and in my current job I only have about 10 hours a week of real "work" to do. Bleh. I'd kinda like to have a job in an office again... but I'd have to be able to bring my dog to work. And set my own hours. And I've only got about 10 years to retirement, so why not just chill here in this easy job, and do more fun stuff outside of work? Like yoga. And exercise. And getting my knee right again with proper PT...
i owe kleinbl00 and a few others many beers still doing the thing with the girl - we've definitely scaled things back this week - she went on a "date" with someone else two days ago, and we're going on a date tonight unrelated, ever since taking 2.5 weeks off from climbing I have been absolutely crushing it and broke through a plateau in that realm!
On the subject of taking a break helping to crash through a plateau - the same thing happened to me after our first lock down in 2020. I went from being in the gym 5 days a week, to having to go for walks, do bodyweight exercises and generally ease back on it. 6-8 weeks later once we were allowed back in the gym, I was straight in there. The first week was rough, a little under what I'd like to lift across the board. The second week I was back to my usual numbers and feeling really good. The third week I absolutely cruised past every max I had set previously, and in the same week I hit three of my four lifetime goals. I didn't like taking a break, I never knew what to do with myself. But a forced one showed me how much your body needs to recover. Now I tell the young lads at that gym, that the gym is for training. You get bigger and stronger by sleeping, eating and resting appropriately.
haha I literally said to my climbing partner last night “eat good, sleep good, climb good”. It makes a difference! I can get away with minimal sleep for a season (see: summer), but it will catch up to me (see: mid to late November). Congrats on the lifetime goal achievements, that’s incredible!
update: this is almost certainly not going to work out
I'm so sorry man. I know how hard and rare it can be to meet someone you're truly excited about. And how difficult it can be to slowly realize it won't work out. We tell ourselves so many things to try and make it work, but in the end for whatever reason some things just aren't right-and it fucking sucks. Wishing you the best
On the plus side I’ve booked some therapy consultations coming out of all of this.
I'm pretty tempted to badge this but I'm also feeling pretty petty today.
I'm a nobody, and you are a good person. Best wishes.
Hey guys. You might remember me I spent a little while yesterday thinking about what I might say for pubski. I'm up shit creek. But I found out a little while ago I might get evicted which is a lot worse. Wrench in the spanner. Odds and bobs. Snakes and ladders. Timey whiney flim flams and crisps I live in Georgia. Just went on a British riff
She had two mini strokes a couple months ago. She recovered to previous state. I'd say no. She's paralyzed on one side and in a nursing home. Insurance stopped paying a long time ago. Putting a lot of stress on my stepdad. He's a great guy but me and my brother were discussing our fear he won't be able to take it
Medicare has a 7-year lookback on divorces and medical expenses. My aunt, upon realizing this, informed her 10-years-older husband that they should get divorced, not because she didn't love him, but as a tenured professor who was putting a lap pool in their basement she just didn't see any ability to maintain her lifestyle and his health. He'd committed suicide within eighteen months and for the past three years she's been loudly professing her uninvolvement in his decision like Lady Macbeth and the blood. I recognize this isn't good news - it's "you're exactly as fucked as you think you are, no more, no worse" news. On the other hand, you and yours should be aware of Medicaid estate recovery, which has a nasty habit of surprising people who have better things to worry about, like sick and dying relatives. Estate recovery rules vary by state. Louisiana is predatory but it's one of the few cases where poverty is to your advantage.
I'm way more fucked than I'm letting on. My mom is laying in bed and accusing my stepdad of cheating because I guess she has nothing better to do. There's no insurance finagling in her head. I guess some old ass dude is hitting on her too and she's not real happy about that. Fucking train wreck and me and my brother usually end up talking about Elon Musk being a moron somehow thankfully
🎶♫♬♩♪♫🎸🎸And I say Whatabout BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S🎶♫♬♩♪♫🎸🎸 I guess my broader point is that "I am generally fucked" is a mentality that fogs you from considering "how am I specifically fucked" and "how am I specifically fucked" is a useful question to ask in this instance if for no other reason than you can address and mitigate specifics, while generalizations just serve to drive you deeper. Most aid organizations help specifically. Very few help generally.Fucking train wreck and me and my brother usually end up talking about Elon Musk being a moron somehow thankfully
oufff this new year started as a complete mess. got drunk and my memories goes from talking and laughing with my friends to literally sobbing on the bed about my breakup with my ex consoling me. I don't even remember what triggered it. It's been 4 months since our breakup, shit... (how long does it take to move on? it's my first breakup ever so I'm not too sure what to expect) Then my new friend drove me home and i fell asleep with my lover in my bed. I wake up and she rage quit my place to drive 5h back home, texting me about how i'm selfish and unwelcoming and ungrateful. After I hosted her for 4 days at my place with her dog and invited her along to all my new years plans, including to my parents house. A complete text freakout demanding apologies and shit for vague accusations of hurt feelings. I've known her for less than a year. Fucking flipped a switch so fast i got whiplash. It's a bit annoying, but she lives in another city and I told her it's best we take some distance. No regrets on that front, but it added on to an already rough morning. And then my lover and one of his main poly partner break up a few days later over some insecurities - that he assures me have nothing to do with me but I have some reservations. So, i've stopped drinking. It's been 5 days now, which is more than I can remember for a loooong time. I'll aim making it to a full week and if that works out i'll do a full month. Will limit my drinking to places with amazing views on my upcoming trip to Asia. Cause I used to really have fun drinking and now I most often than not turn into a crying mess. It's no fun for either me or my friends. I need to recalibrate so it becomes enhancement and not escapism. My energy levels and mood have been in the dumps too, without routine and structure in the dark winter months. Booked a sober weekend with friends at the cabin cooking games and playing food - hopefully that helps! I just have this itch to be creative and productive and joyful but i can't find my arms. Thank god for my loving and supportive and thoughtful friends and family. It's the best thing I have in my life right now and I won't take it for granted.
While it's different for everyone, I suspect it's influenced by how long the relationship lasted for, and the context of the breakup itself. I've had relationships of 3+ years end, one we could both see coming a mile away and ended amiably. Another was the result of cheating, so that hurt me an awful lot and while I "recovered" fairly fast, I "rebounded" far too quickly and I know I hurt people while I did this. But! I remember your relationship was in the 10 year realm, right? Honestly I have no idea. You'll be increasingly okay over time, and might never notice a specific moment when things click. Just day after day of things clicking a little better. But really, a decade together is a huge portion of your life. Days, weeks, months and years with this person intricately woven into your experience. It will take time to unwind that. I took a 6 month break one time when I was 18, as I behaved like such an asshole (and have no memory of it). I slowly allowed myself to drink again but never had a moment like that until 4 years ago, when I was 28. Last I recall was getting into a heated argument with a relative stranger at a party, then waking up the next day to a text from him apologizing for his behaviour. Which told me that I had 100% joined that little mess, with gusto. Another 6 months off the stuff. I blamed the gin for the most recent event, but really I was just in a bad frame and it was entirely exacerbated with the drink. Now I'm old enough that the hangover isn't worth it, and my whisky is too expensive to binge. Congrats on the 5 days, I hope there are more days to attach to the total and it gives you some control over things! Maybe it'll spark some creativity in you?how long does it take to move on?
Cause I used to really have fun drinking and now I most often than not turn into a crying mess
Thank you, that’s helpful. Indeed, we split soon after the 10 year mark. My friend told me the other day I grieve “like a man” where I went on a yolo denial fun spree the first 3 months and the sadness and loss is catching up now. A frankly sexist assessment by name, but she’s right about what happened. I feel my ex had the opposite process. Thankfully, I’ve never been a mean or agressive drunk. More a fun and reckless one - which from a sober person looking in is definitely annoying but great with other drinking friends. But my newfound sad drunk energy sucks for everyone so time for a hard reset.
I got worried about my drinking at one point, and stopped cold turkey for a year. It wasn't difficult at all, so I went back to drinking normally. The other night I was out to dinner with friends, and realized four of the stories I told had drinking as an important element in them. But nowadays, that's because I haven't really grokked that my tolerance for alcohol is not what it once was, and four (high ABV) beers can black me out. At a friend's memorial service at a micro brewery, I made agreements to do several things, that I didn't recall the next day. I think I need to stick to my single malt whisky, and not do the beer thing. I have no idea what my beer tolerance is anymore... I stopped drinking it entirely when I did keto 6 years ago, and I think it just hits me different now. You are a good person with a good heart and empathy for others. Alcohol seems to have impeded your natural personality at key moments. I hope this year is more gentle to you, and gives you time to find your center and stability again. Hugs...
It's been a minute but I missed you hubski. I picked up a temporary twitter ban back in July just as the most stupid, racist, reactionary election campaign of my life (so far) kicked off and decided to tap out of The Spectacle for a bit. Even though the goat burning doesn't seem to have helped the world at large it seems to have helped me. I'm in a much better place mentally and physically than a year ago. Looking forward to whatever comes next.
Back from almost 3 weeks of stay-at-home-vacation, and I'd be OK not working ever again, honestly. So at the end of the month I'm going to Greece and Italy for two weeks. And I'll still have a reasonable amount of stored up vacation time to use later this year. I'm going to do a lot less sitting idle at the computer, this year, and instead - if I don't have any work to do - I'm going to go do other stuff. Screw being "available". I'm a fucking writer. Nobody has a legitimate urgent need for a writer. Let's see how long I can keep this up.
for stretched neck dreams, i think i'd like a chain: tight to keep head on, big to tuck a finger in (pull when pleasing)
This reads like a writer's note to self while working on the next book.
Shabooh Shoobah is 40. wtf https://youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_kD_dR19Sz2kk439BabPaElrErugbhImL0