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comment by ButterflyEffect
ButterflyEffect  ·  462 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: December 21, 2022

    However, holy shit I enjoy stable/boring/predictable now. My partner asked me once "Do you think we're boring?" and I said "No. I think we do what we want, when we want." And she hummed over this so I expanded by asking "What do you want to do this evening?" And she said "Stay home, eat chocolate and work on my cross-stitch." And I said "Fuck yeah." so we did that. We have a little signal at gatherings, one quick eyebrow raise is code for "I'm running out of social battery, can we escape soon?" two quick eyebrow raises is code for "I'm running out of social battery, can we escape soon and also I want to fuck?". There's likely a lot of eye smouldering going on in tandem with the double raise, but I like to think we've transcended the need for that.

Wow I love everything about that. The stable/boring/predictable aspect of a relationship, and probably every aspect of life, is something I really struggle with. I was messaging a friend earlier today about this whole situation, and I quote "I think that this beginning of whatever this is, is super interesting space to be in right now, but also I think it's provoking some of the slightly more manic aspects of my personality". lol.





user-inactivated  ·  462 days ago  ·  link  ·  

How you're feeling does resonate with me. Not too long ago, in my 20s, I struggled with the idea of anything feeling 'static'. I wanted new things, to constantly be moving and discovering. Because it felt awesome. It was like tucking into a new book, but I was in the book experiencing things.

While I don't begrudge how I felt before, the person I am now is noticeably different and I put a lot of that down to just having my partner and everything we've built/begun to build.

There's so many things that I know about her, and I only know them after being with her the past 5 (going on 6) years. It's not long compared to some; but similar to your current situation, it began and continued very organically. We met on Tinder, talked for months (truly, months!) before actually meeting up. Since that first night at a dingy little bar that sold our favourite drinks and had killer live music, we've been together. Officially, months down the track, but uhh.. Emotionally? Yeah that night, onwards.

She has a little tic when she talks and gets passionate about a topic - her right eye winks a little. It's adorable, and I'm never going to point it out because she'll get self-conscious. She absolutely loves any jewellery that's just fuckin' weird and will collect shiny things on a whim. She's a goddamn magpie. We found one of those old letter-press, printing tray things and it's mounted in the spare bedroom where she can display an ever increasing and ever-eclectic collection. I'll nab a photo at some point, it's really quite impressive.

Her mother, one of the most kind and warm people I've ever met, described her as 'a tyrant' when she was a toddler. If she didn't get her way she'd go rigid with rage and if that didn't work, she'd remove all of her clothing in protest. I've held her hair back when she was sick, helped her through panic attacks, and taught her how to write a CV (she always had jobs through word of mouth until we had met). She's practically carried my emotional state on her back in 2017, and spearheaded the purchase of our first house. I was too nervous to try, she was determined to have a slice of land to call ours and have a chicken coop, garden, deck, and nobody to tell her off when she hung her assortment of shinies. There's something so undeniably attractive about someone determined and passionate.

All of this to say, that discovery period, that super interesting space, is so great. I loved it. But I also really love the times after that initial phase, where you get to apply everything you've learned about this person and as an unstoppable unit, help each other grow.

I hope whatever the outcome, it works out for you in the end. I'm really pleased you've found someone you click with, but I do also agree with kb and Lil's musings on the matter - they're far more articulate than I so I won't repeat anything. As you say, advocate for yourself first! But I hope it works out. It all sounds so promising.

kleinbl00  ·  462 days ago  ·  link  ·  

This whole passage makes me so happy.

My only observation is you're referring to "the initial discovery period" as "the discovery period" as if there's only one, when everything about what you write indicates that you know you're discovering more and more about each other every day. Which, as two people who do not lead static lives, is exactly the way it's supposed to work.

user-inactivated  ·  462 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Yeah you're dead right, I was describing it like it's in a vacuum but it's not like you cease learning about someone once you know them for 6 months!