i have a lot less life experience than either of you but i have a lot of this kind of experience specifically - wanting is something i can relate to. i wrote something the other day that i had been meaning to put on hubski so i'll put it here Patched up with perfume on cracked-lipped crevices That caught man sticking: Wishing: Well, I beat him brutal; he breathes out breasts, I clot him steady; I cut him again. I paint him sore; he takes it green - Would that he had been ready: the woman unwilling. wanting the future is okay - it's okay to want to lose weight in the new year or want to buy a sports car. it would even be okay to have thoughts of "what if i left my wife to marry this lady i love" - i mean okay in terms of it not being inherently bad for you. but wanting the past is always going to be harmful to you because there's no way to change it. it might be fortune-cookie obvious to say it, but it's obvious because it's important. potential reality is addictive and indulging in it can only ever be hurtful i don't know anything, all i know is that i know what you mean by mental stormGo attic-kept, unventured, unopened, arranged -
Mental storm indeed. I used to spend a lot of time pondering the what-ifs, but a lot of the therapy into my anxiety was focused on that pondering. While normal me would think about the potential universe where this or that happened; the anxiety me would fixate on the chance that I inhabited the universe where a specific awful thing was 100%, without a doubt, going to happen. As a result of the therapy, I don't ponder what-ifs much, these days. I'm thankful for it. I've had those mental storms, some anxiety induced, others echoing b_b's situation almost entirely. I'm still young, but I feel like I have too few mornings remaining. Not enough sunrises. It's fuel though - these mornings are precious, and the time spent with the people I've wound up with, even more so. I agree, wanting the future is okay, and shit even wanting a future that didn't come to pass is something everyone entertains. Just don't let it stack up to the potential of this future.
Thing is? they're not ridiculous. They're stuff that happens to everyone and everyone has to work through it. My present is pretty great but my past futures are amazing because the annoying shit that trips us up in real life never hits our potentials.