- Matt Storm, owner of the pizzeria The Masonry in Uptown and in Fremont, said his Neapolitan-style pie doesn’t hold up well sitting in a pizza box for 30 minutes, so he doesn’t offer delivery and discourages customers from ordering pizza for takeout. Yet, delivery services continue to advertise his pizza on their platforms, he said.
He recalled one courier who demanded he make a duck egg pizza since a customer had already paid for it with a credit card after seeing that outdated menu item on the delivery app.
“There is literally no duck egg here. I can’t magically pull one out of my [expletive],” Storm recalled telling the angry delivery driver.
All the delivery apps call me and try to get me to join up about twice a year. I fuck with em and tell them I'm a bondage cafe and that I can't uber eats a spanking of a dry handy. Or I tell them that they've been told not to call me and that I'd rather die than play their game and they should go fuck themselves. They seem more surprised at me not wanting their valuable service than the bondage cafe thing. "I mean, why? I just want to know why you don't want us to deliver for you? I don't get it." None of the sales shit they brought at the start, just disbelief. Uber Eats is reality and anything that isn't appifyed is not viable in their world view. Little do they know that not Uber Eating is just the tip of the iceberg of me being a fucked up business man who does nothing that he's supposed to and getting along just fine. Uber Eats can go fuck itself for all eternity. I used a food app once when I was at a hotel that had nothing but fast food around it, it was fine but fuck em, I don't need one more hand in my pocket as a producer or a consumer.
Man it took me a while to find this, but it's from a beloved restaurant down here. Some places have been getting more and more aggressive in their policies around 3rd party delivery. So there's a law - what happens when the 3rd party services just go "lol nah"? $250 fine per doesn't seem like a large deterence.
That’s a great point on litigation, I hadn’t considered that. Wonder what precedence this will set.
sigh Postmates loses five dollars for every four it makes. Nonetheless, Uber bought it for two and a half billion dollars. Uber, meanwhile, is only "profitable" by juggling numbers in Uber Eats and Postmates. It doesn't fucking matter, of course, because eight cents of every dime of stimulus that has gotten us through the pandemic has gone directly or indirectly into the stock market, which is a second-order popularity contest based on options flows. At least the Soviets had a planned economy that didn't work. We've got a kleptocracy run by shitty equations and high frequency trading. On the plus side? The only way Postmates and Uber work is by being extraordinarily shitty to their employees so they can convince disinterested Robinhooders and equity funds that they're "cutting costs" appropriately. Uber is throwing a quarter billion dollars at getting people to drive for them again and it isn't working because if it sucks driving jackasses around for less than $10, it only sucks a little less for more than $10. Eventually everyone has a "never fucking again" moment, like the PostMates guy behind me in line to get back into the mall. Who was there to pick up a video game preorder from GameStop. And no, the guy he was picking it up for wasn't interested in the poor driver picking it up from any other goddamn GameStop because this one had the magic stickers in it or some shit. He watched me enviously after I decided ten minutes was enough, and chose to walk all the way around the mall to get back to my car. That guy? That guy was making $3 to be told by some stay-at-home asshole that his time wasn't worth magic stickers. So eventually the equation shifts and some stuffed shirt decides Uber isn't ever actually going to make money in a real way but before that we'll have AOL-Time Warner all fucking over again, WeWork valued at $47b and greater fool theory will keep the rich assholes rich and the rest of us waiting in line to pick up a copy of Cyberpunk 2077 for $3 until we all decide we're fucking done with it. There's currently five jobs for every four unemployed people in the United States, according to the Commerce Dept. And most of them are bullshit that we all have stories about. I truly believe that the Pandemic taught most people that their job sucks and they aren't paid enough not because of economics or rationality but because the system is designed to fuck them over largely out of pure cruelty. Six outta ten college students are women this year. It'll be two outta three in a few years. Now - it's pretty obvious that college is bullshit for boys and girls in this day and age. But why are the girls still cool with it? I reckon it's because a girl living at home figuring her shit out faces less stigma than a boy living at home figuring shit out but the center ain't holding on that one. Shit's gonna change. What precedent will this set? I don't think any. But I think it's another grain on the sandpile and the avalanche is coming. Last Lyft I took in LA cost as much as the last taxi I took in LA. Take out the bullshit and it turns out we knew the market rate all along. Eventually all the Uber and Postmates in the world are gonna be too expensive to bother with. The question is how much they'll destroy first. I'm in a mood today