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comment by _refugee_
_refugee_  ·  141 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: August 29, 2018

Jesus god I logged on here thinking today was Wednesday.

Please allow me to vent about two things going on in my life right now. these are things i'm trying not to talk to a lot of people IRL about because, well, the first one is pretty dramatic and kind of shocking and also a little private. and the second one is a scenario i need to navigate by myself somehow as an adult, without poisoning all my friends with my griping.

1) my aunt was murdered last week. my cousins are using this as an opportunity to set up a gofundme asking for $15k from, well, whoever on facebook is a sucker enough for their very long sad heartstringy post about how she's a veteran who was cruelly ripped from life.

this upsets me. i guess this could sound like a kind of reasonable thing to do, maybe, to an outsider. turns out there's all sorts of nifty things you learn once you have a family member who's been murdered, which includes the fact that in general, states have Victims Funds which are designed to pay out money when, you know, someone gets homicided. And did i mention my aunt was a veteran? which means she also qualifies for VA funeral benefits which includes the cost of a plot and money towards transporting the body to the funeral. i don't want to get into numbers but I know for a fact that several thousand dollars, enough to cover the (significant) majority cost of an average funeral, has already been put towards my aunt's internment from those funds.

generally life insurance covers homicide.

my cousins have a history of being grifters, and one of them has a history of pill addiction which extended to breaking into her own siblings' homes and stealing from them to buy drugs.

guess which cousin has posted this memorial fund.

it bothers me.

2) my sister seems to think that because we are sisters, i should do for her whatever she wants.

for instance, this week she asked me to pick her up from a house which was walking distance from our apartment. i did, immediately. she told me she was hungover.

she got in the car and picked a fight. about my "tone."

i told her she could get out of the car if she didn't like my tone. this, by the way, is at least the 3rd last minute ride she's asked me for in the past year. i really don't mind going and picking her up from somewhere once in a while if it's an emergency. what i mind is she needed a ride because she had taken an uber to that house last night and left her car at our apartment.

like what was her plan for getting back the whole time? and why couldn't she walk less than a mile on a sunny, 80 degree day?

well, yesterday she asked to use my laptop for school related stuff for the second time in two days.

she has a laptop.

do you know where it is? it's at her boyfriend's house because 4 months ago his laptop stopped working and she wanted to help him out.

when i told her i'd prefer she not use my laptop because i let her do it yesterday, she has her own, and i didn't want to establish a precedent of her getting to use my laptop for whatever whenever she wants, she told me that she felt, because we were SISTERS, if she had a laptop, and she wasn't actively using it at the moment, she would let me use her laptop whenever with no questions asked. that's just what sisters do.

it's so convenient that the only reason she doesn't have a laptop is because she chose to give it away to someone else.

did i mention i bought my laptop with my own money and she got hers from our parents? i feel like maybe things would be different if she had to pay for her own. but who knows.

devil's advocate.

edited to add oh also. did i mention? today's august 30th. she still owes me $52 for August rent.


Don't get me wrong. A lot is going good in my life. I'm going camping this weekend with some friends (away from my sister) and really looking forward to it. I'm about to pay off my car note early. i'm on track to be promoted at work EOY. i'm planning an adventure trip to centralia. my brother set a date for his wedding. I'm reading my 5th john irving book this year, i'm knitting a sock, etc etc.

unfortunately this morning i am just also very hung over.

francopoli  ·  140 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    my sister seems to think that because we are sisters, i should do for her whatever she wants.

Speaking as a stranger over the internet... Fuck your sister.

The hardest thing to do is cutting toxic idiots out of your well being. I had to do that to a brother and most of my cousins. I still get shit from one side of the family that I refuse to help at all. Youngest bro was into drugs and other foul shit for a while, and I cut him off completely. I even walked away from my parents because they were enabling him. He had to hit rock bottom and need the love and support of family and friends only to find out there was nobody there to give him a hand up. He got luck, went to rehab, STAYED in rehab when he realized he was not ready to leave and got his shit together. He's now married and just passed his master electrician's test.

I've watched friends go through this as well. Some of the most evil, foul, vile people in your life can be family. One guy I knew from the old life wrapped his car around a tree on purpose because he knew his mom and sister would take his car after he was dead. His "Farewell and Fuck you all" note was... unsettling.

    did i mention i bought my laptop with my own money and she got hers from our parents? i feel like maybe things would be different if she had to pay for her own. but who knows.

I was told at 16 there was no money for my anything and I was kicked out at 18. Brother got a car, and a college education, was able to live at home until he was 28, had his bills paid off; that was not offered up to me. I'm the asshole for not wanting to deal with his shit as an adult, tho'. If you find a way to stop being angry about nonsense like this, please share it with the group, I'm all ears.

Shit's not easy, is it? Be strong and don't let the bonds of family take precedence over your own well being and sense of place in life.

OftenBen  ·  141 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Hey so first off I'm sorry about your aunt and the horrible behavior of your cousins.

Second of all your anecdote about living with a sibling terrifies me. My new pad has two spare bedrooms and my dad has been intimating that it might be a good idea to have one or two of the bums living with him to come live with me instead. I'm petrified to be honest. I know my brothers, they keep weird hours and that may literally, not figuratively be the death of me.

Keep on living your best life. Take a weekend in the fall to come to Ann Arbor and tailgate with me.