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comment by ButterflyEffect
ButterflyEffect  ·  2038 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: August 29, 2018

    The pattern has been 100% accurate so far.

The pattern is the same, do you think that the reasoning is the same or similar when these splits occur?





goobster  ·  2038 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Reasons vary. But the pattern - elimination of the spouse from activities, self-aggrandizement, increased activity, then the split - is the same.

It makes sense, when you think about it.

ButterflyEffect  ·  2038 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Hmm. There has to be a reason leading into the first part of that pattern, right? This is interesting, because I see a lot of behavior in myself on a much shorter scale. But it's not elimination so much as inability to include from the get go.

goobster  ·  2037 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Yeah, there is definitely other stuff going on ...

... the individual feeling like they aren't getting the appreciation/attention they deserve from their spouse, so they go fishing for compliments on social media...

... the individual feeling "trapped" in their relationship, so suddenly they are doing all kinds of Activities and Adventures (without their spouse)...

... the individual setting themselves up in people's minds as an individual and not part of a couple...

Etc.

OftenBen  ·  2038 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I think that the causes/timings of the marriages are the same or similar, based on observations from my own social circles.

goobster  ·  2038 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Yeah. My social circle spans multiple generations, and all found each other long after the normal friend-gathering-periods of high school and college.

So there are people with 20 year marriages, 10 year poly relationships, dating, 2-year marriages, and couples with kids and no kids. It really is a cross-section.

If you social circle was largely developed in the high school/college phase of life, I'd expect people to go through life changes and cycles at largely similar times.

My friend group is from a more diverse age range, and background. So it is less expected to see these patterns form so rigidly.