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comment by OftenBen
OftenBen  ·  69 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Online dating: Aim high, keep it brief, and be patient

Also don't be male.




francopoli  ·  69 days ago  ·  link  ·  

1. Be attractive.

2. Don't be ugly.

kantos  ·  69 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Shit. What should I do instead.

I found it funny how the 21% response rate for men 'aiming higher' was toted as the better (and only) statistic for men contacting women. Funny in a sad way, given its implication for both sides of the population.

OkC's chat redesign for males contacting women is smart. Nonetheless, its frustrating reaching out into nothing most of the time.

francopoli  ·  62 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I have a few people in my closer circle that do the online dating thing. Watching what they go through, I'd rather be shot or stabbed again.

One of the problems is that with the breakdown of the family structure in the country, and with people not going to church anymore, the last places left to meet people are work and school. Getting into romantic entanglements at work is a minefield at best. I always scream at people to not date coworkers. So, what is left? People don't have money to go to places any more, and clubs are not a place to go for dating. People are told to get into a hobby, but the issue with that is men and women tend to be into different things leading to segregated lifestyle choices. Nobody really wants to be hit on at the grocery store. Or at a department store. Or getting their overpriced coffee in the morning.

The short of it is that if you do not get hooked up with a life-long partner in school, or when you are young, you are going to have issues later in life wondering where all the single people are and how to make friends as an adult.

I've joked before that we need to go back to arranged marriages. That just presents a different misery. I wish I had an answer here.

veen  ·  62 days ago  ·  link  ·  

As a guy, patience and (emotional) perserverence are mandatory. It can be a real fuckin' grind though. At a certain point I felt like I was having the same kinds of conversations over and over on various dating apps and dates, with different responses but similar results. It's hard to keep at it when you're effectively rejected by dozens if not hundreds of women.

I feel like I got off relatively well with the whole dating thing, only taking three ish months from nothing to finding someone where it really clicked. Friend of mine spent almost nine months looking around, chatting, and dating before he found someone good.

There's a Dutch saying though, "every jar has a fitting lid", meaning that for every person there's someone who would fit them really well. I believe that's true. You kind of have to believe that though, just to keep going.

Quatrarius  ·  69 days ago  ·  link  ·  

they do well alright on grindr

i feel like dating sites are a creek of cock in the sea of peen that is the internet and it's tough to succeed in an environment like that

the real problem here, as always, is women