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comment by tacocat
tacocat  ·  315 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Why No One Answers Their Phone Anymore: Telephone culture is disappearing.

That wasn't very insightful since the answer is pretty much caller ID and having the names of the people you want to talk to pop up when they call

I don't know where I was or who said it. Some woman at an AA meeting probably. She said she thinks it's rude to call her. For her friends to call her on the telephone instead of sending a text first to ask if she can talk. That was weird to me and I wonder if it's common now among people who don't remember the era when you had to answer

WanderingEng  ·  315 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I feel like the idea of a phone call being rude might come from all the spam calls. They've set the stage for phone calls being a thing to ignore. For me, if someone calls me it better either be important or prearranged. To call out of the blue assumes that their desire for immediate gratification is more important than my time, sort of like the spam calls.

I'm happy to see phone culture die.

ThatFanficGuy  ·  315 days ago  ·  link  ·  

You don't have friends call you out of the blue?

psychoticmilkman  ·  314 days ago  ·  link  ·  

If you never answer your phone, people stop calling real quick. All my friends and family learned a long time ago that I don't answer my phone and only respond to texts. If the phone rings it's urgent, for work, or someone who doesn't know me very well.

steve  ·  315 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    To call out of the blue assumes that their desire for immediate gratification is more important than my time, sort of like the spam calls.

This is so interesting to me. For a time, I used to think Text Messaging was rude for the same reason.

Times have changed, times are changing... people don't even bother with voicemail anymore.

WanderingEng  ·  315 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I don't see text messages the same way because I can see the content before replying. With a call, I don't know if its value exceeds my time until I answer, and then decorum doesn't let me hang up.

steve  ·  315 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I used to see texts in this way... I don't now.

back in the 90s (maybe earlier), Covey taught in one of his books about this matrix... if I remember right, Covey-ites wouldn't answer the phone because it fell into Q4 because it was not urgent (to the receiver) and of unknown importance.

Now, I just ignore my phone a lot.

katakowsj  ·  314 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I thank you for your Quadrant 4 contribution. :)

katakowsj  ·  314 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Seriously though, the Covey chart is so simple and effective, I only wish that others around me would abide by it better.

I can remember hanging out with a friend, as we were just starting our careers, that felt compelled to answer his phone no matter what was going on. We’d be driving somewhere, he’d have his phone on vibrate, we’re in the middle of a conversation and he’d pick up his phone and start talking. Didn’t even give me a, “Hey man, I’ve gotta call coming in and I’ve gotta take it...”

Man, that ticked me off.

I done see this phone etiquette stuff as the root issue. More of a basic consideration of other people thing. Something that I find myself continually reinforcing to my kids. I can see that I’ll use the chart with them at some point as the learn to prioritize their connections with other people.

Thanks for sharing.

tacocat  ·  315 days ago  ·  link  ·  

If someone I know calls I automatically think it's important enough to interrupt whatever I'm doing.

steve  ·  315 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I honestly just think it's the normal evolution of etiquette and societal norms. My grandmother? She answered every call always... that trickled to my mother and me... now? Tech has completely changed in my lifetime, and yah - I screen the crap out of whoever is calling. My kids and their friends don't actually use their phones to speak - they only answer my calls because I'm old fashioned and I ask them to do so.

tacocat  ·  314 days ago  ·  link  ·  

After some thought, I will make sure someone wants to talk with a text first but it depends on context. If it's a girl I've been chatting with through text and we haven't met, I definitely will prearrange to speak on the phone. If I wanted to talk to a friend of mine right now I wouldn't hesitate to just call.

Texting is nice for certain things but it can be incredibly bad when you need to convey information that might require some actual real time interaction for one reason or another. My mom is like sixty and if I need to tell her something and have to rely on texts it's painful if I can't have her immediately respond to ask questions or whatever other benefits there are to speech.

Texts can be misinterpreted too if the reader projects a tone onto the words that wasn't intended. I can be really terse and it's efficient for typing on a tiny keyboard with my thumbs but people sometimes think I'm being a pithy asshole.

Both have their place. I prefer texting friends as a general rule but I wouldn't say it's rude to make your phone ring. I'm a big boy. You can hit the fuck you button if you want