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comment by Cumol
Cumol  ·  651 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Paralyzed.

Update: after the counseling session

First of all, thanks to everyone who commented and offered advice. While sometimes I felt like people were harsh, I know that no one here means bad towards me.

The (mandatory) counseling session was very hard for both of us. The counseling is set to place to inform everyone about all the possibilities with a strong emphasis on encouraging couples/mothers to have their children. And this is also how it felt. Even thought I was allowed to state my point and why I think it will not work, the focus was on her. I understand that, I see/know where it is coming from, but it is still not easy for me...

Nevertheless, I think both of us got a lot of information. What financial support can be expected from the state (it is a lot), how much money I would have to pay (about 300-500 euros per month, depending on my salary) and what the legal options are.

The counselor was very adamant on going through all the possibilities there are to keep the child. While it was hard for me to listen (and sometimes) discuss it, I see its value.

On the other hand she also informed us about the possibilities for abortion and took away many of the doubts that Sarah had. Apparently, the internet is a mine field of false information about abortion...

I stated why I did not want a child. She also stated why she does not want the child, but "would manage" if she would keep it. We talked what positive and negative things will come out from the birth and also (which was nice) what this process did to our relationship.

Even though I thought the whole session (which took about two hours) was a little pushy, it was good in general.

I got to the point where I can only say that I have to trust Sarah with whatever choice she is going to take. Even though if it is keeping the child, I will support her and the child as much as I can, even thought it has that bitter taste that I was not taken into account.

The counselor suggested that we take the time to decide and treat ourselves good, as this is a hard time for both of us. Sarah is going on a week long holiday in Italy and I guess I am will go climbing/hiking.

I think the best for me is to assume that she wants to keep the child and deal with it. It will ease my mind the most, I guess...

Tagging everyone interested: b_b, oyster, lil, _refugee_, steve, humanodon, goobster, kleinbl00

goobster  ·  651 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Honestly, there is no "right" or "good" answer to your situation. I'm glad you had the counseling session, and discussed all the options. You have both done the due diligence together, and gone to your own corners to think about all this information.

I've got nothing else to offer here, so I'll just quietly step out of the room now...