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comment by blackbootz
blackbootz  ·  170 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: April 4, 2018

In the happy news category, I've applied to $40,000 across 15 scholarships in the last two months. I would have NEVER EVER EVER done this when I enrolled at 18 years old. 1) I was not spending my own money, 2) the student loans I was taking out were so abstract, having never lived and saved on my own before, and 3) I was lazy and uninterested. All the essay writing and hard work this semester will hopefully pay off next year if I not only cover tuition, but have enough left over to pay off previous loans.

🤞

Also, I don't think I've ever been in as great a shape as I'm in now. Sleep hygiene is on fleek, working out, gymnastics and soccer, and considering a run at CrossFit this summer. I have so much more to get good at, but it's nice to acknowledge where I'm at.

That said, I'm in a depressive bout, and it's confusing and upsetting. By lots of objective criteria I have a lot to feel happy about. The main negative factor seems to be that I'm surrounded by 19 & 20 year-olds when I'm 26. I feel a huge disconnect, which is a shame because I'm wired to thrive when I'm surrounded by people. I can't shake the thought that it's not external factors that afflict me, but my conception of those factors that's what's really bothering me. Yet this thought never rises above recurring observation to more persistent "firmware upgrade"/outlook. I care way too much about other people's approval.




kleinbl00  ·  169 days ago  ·  link  ·  

"kb, you were an engineer. Do you have one of these erasing shields?"

"kb's teacher, I have one of those erasing shields older than everyone in this room except you and me."

I am currently taking 26 credits. I wear a jacket older than the overwhelming majority of my classmates. I have an instructor who is ready to retire who has been teaching since - wait for it - the year I graduated high school.

There's also a guy in my CNC class who graduated college in '76. So. You'll never be the youngest, you'll never be the oldest. Just be.

_refugee_  ·  170 days ago  ·  link  ·  

If I can chime in without coming across as being superior (which I fear my first paragraph might a bit - I'm presuming on our established friendship - pls bear wit meh) --

I wouldn't worry too much about being surrounded by people a couple (5-8) years younger than you are! I wonder if there's an undertone of "It's harder to find people to date when I'm 26 and a lot of the people I hang out with aren't even old enough to drink" (because when I was that age and dating, being old enough to drink was kind of a hard line in perception to me) - but then - ignore me projecting.

What I meant to say is that, at 26, and also now at 28, I've definitely accumulated a number of friends who are also that much older than me. I inherited (or upherited?) some friends from my sister, who's 5 years younger than me, which played a big part...but for the most part...I don't think there is anything negative or to be judged for that. The older you get, the more you can "stretch" the age range you hang out with and it matters less, I think. By your mid-twenties, I think everyone in the twenties decade should be considered "normal age range for standard friends."

And that being said - I have several friends much older than that! Nodding at several among the hubski crew, yes -- but certainly not limited in any way to them, either.

Also, mega huge congratulations on the scholarships - and have you explored the potential for employer reimbursement? I forget where you are working atm.

blackbootz  ·  165 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    I wonder if there's an undertone of "It's harder to find people to date when I'm 26 and a lot of the people I hang out with aren't even old enough to drink" (because when I was that age and dating, being old enough to drink was kind of a hard line in perception to me) - but then - ignore me projecting.

No, you were spot on. What ails me has pretty large dating component, I just left that out for some reason.

    Also, mega huge congratulations on the scholarships - and have you explored the potential for employer reimbursement? I forget where you are working atm.

For undergraduate? I'm still finishing my economics bachelors. I'll be interning at Morgan Stanley this summer.

_refugee_  ·  159 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Well, depending on your employer, but the short answer is yes, you might be able to get tuition reimbursement undergrad or grad. The long answer is that it's less likely the more indie your employer is (and I suspect yours is more indie than not) -- I also feel at this point you'd probably know if otherwise, so sorry for throwing you down a rabbithole =)

goobster  ·  169 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    ... The older you get, the more you can "stretch" the age range you hang out with ...

Can confirm. I'm pushing 50 and have close friends between about 23 and 75.

I also can no longer tell the difference between someone who is 20, and someone who is 40. It honestly doesn't matter to me, and I don't care.

Knowing and socializing with at least 3 generations of people is the key to Perspective.

goobster  ·  169 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    ... The older you get, the more you can "stretch" the age range you hang out with ...

Can confirm. I'm pushing 50 and have close friends between about 23 and 75.

I also can no longer tell the difference between someone who is 20, and someone who is 40. It honestly doesn't matter to me, and I don't care.

Knowing and socializing with at least 3 generations of people is the key to Perspective.

goobster  ·  169 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    ... The older you get, the more you can "stretch" the age range you hang out with ...

Can confirm. I'm pushing 50 and have close friends between about 23 and 75.

I also can no longer tell the difference between someone who is 20, and someone who is 40. It honestly doesn't matter to me, and I don't care.

Knowing and socializing with at least 3 generations of people is the key to Perspective.

mk  ·  170 days ago  ·  link  ·  

If I could convince you of how young you are, it would be to your benefit.

blackbootz  ·  169 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I think i know how to interpret this. But I don’t know how to make it actionable. Anxiety borne of inexperience has no easy antidote, at least from my vantage point.

_refugee_  ·  168 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Easy.

Jump in.

The deep end's scary but the water's fine. After a couple irregularly-scheduled pool trips you'll forget you ever hesitated before you cannonballed.

b_b  ·  168 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Playing mk oracle for a second, I believe what he means is that you have a very long runway in front of you, and it's still early to decide you want to do whatever it is you want to do. You don't need to be late teens/early 20s to decide that you're going to learn a whole new thing. mk himself is low 40s and just started a company after a 15ish year career as a scientist. Don't let yourself get trapped by the idea that you have a pick a thing a stick with it because you're getting older.

blackbootz  ·  165 days ago  ·  link  ·  

It's not so much the picking of a career or speciality that's frustrating or upsetting. My thinking on that domain is to do whatever is at the intersection of interesting, remunerative, and doesn't foreclose on too many future options. What ails me is how I tend to outsource my self-esteem to external factors, such as the attention of girls. I'm restive.

I don't have the inner peace that I see lots of older people have. It's like that peace is inextricably bound up in age and experience.

b_b  ·  165 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Lol. Wars have been fought over outsourcing one's self esteem to the attention of girls. You're not alone.

necroptosis  ·  170 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Relative youth changes when you're talking teens into early 20's. I'm younger then blackbootz and have a difficult time connecting with 18-20 year olds, but generally no problems with anyone older. 21-22 feels like a solid dividing gap between maturity in America(with many exceptions of course). I'm guessing many of the people he interacts with are still transitioning into an adult mindset.

steve  ·  170 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    but it's nice to acknowledge where I'm at.

well done!

    All the essay writing and hard work this semester will hopefully pay off next year

good luck brother. fingers crossed indeed.