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comment by elizabeth
elizabeth  ·  737 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: February 21, 2018

Got my new camera in the mail yesterday! So I'm back in the filming game :) I feel like I've been getting into a positive groove lately.

However, I feel like my boyfriend has been in a funk for more than half a year now, and I don't know how to help. He seems unmotivated and uninspired by the work he's doing. I tried helping create a plan or some structure, but without motivation it just falls flat and I'm just nagging him - so i've given that up. He's good and knowledgeable in his industry. He's the best "helper" a team could have. Always solving problems, pro-actively. I think he needs some kind of change in environnement (anything really) like maybe joining an organisation, a club, school, a part-time work project. Or maybe do anything that makes him feel he's more in control of his life. But he just seems stuck and unhappy and it makes me sad :( Is there anything I can do, or should I just let him figure it out himself?

kleinbl00  ·  737 days ago  ·  link  ·  

The best thing you can do is love him unconditionally, support him every way you can, and encourage him when he's doing well.

Funks/depression are internally regulated and internally self-sustaining. If he veers in a new direction that strikes you as even a tiny bit positive, encourage it.

We can't dig others out of their own holes. All we can do is let them know there's a loving world outside.

elizabeth  ·  737 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Yeah, sounds about right. Whenever I try to help I fear it comes of more as "why haven't you done this yet" than the "let me help you out with this" that I intend. I'll let him figure it out on his own, hopefully he does :) It's mostly being unfulfilled work-wise than anything, so maybe being encouraging of the side-projects will help!

goobster  ·  736 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Good call. Because he isn't stupid. He knows he is in a funk. So your offer to help will go through his internal filters and be translated as, "You are a failure, and even I can see this, so you need my help."

And he is not where he can hear your help for what it is: A genuine expression of love and support. He will hear it as an attack.

I know from experience.

This is what ended my first marriage.

tacocat  ·  736 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I can only speak for myself but when I was too depressed to move last spring, if my girlfriend had just held me I would have felt a lot better. And might not have been arrested shortly after that started...

steve  ·  736 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Since other people have valuable, encouraging things to say regarding your significant other... allow me to be the first to say:


I want a full rundown. #cameraporn, #lensjunkie, #jealousofnewtoys

elizabeth  ·  735 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I got a canon m6 :) it’s nice because I have the option to get more lenses for it (but the choices are a bit scarce). It films in 60fps, has a screen that flips so I can see muself vlogging and has a mic jack so my sound is gonna be better. It has a whole bunch of physical dials and a touch screen so now I don’t have to click through 500 menus to change some settings (which I’ve really come to appreciate working with a dslr all summer).It’s also way less bulky than a regular dslr. The one problem is that the mic hides the flipped screen, but I think I could buy a shoe and glue it to the side so I can attach it there instead.

I haven’t tested it much yet, but I can’t wait to see what it can do! I hope it doesn’t suck it low light.

Isherwood  ·  735 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I like this personality system called the enneagram.

Essentially, you find your type and it'll help you understand how you act in times of stress and times of success. By understanding how you act, you can recognize when you're in a low point. It also details why we sink to our low points and the steps each type needs to take to get out of it.

When I'm feeling low, it doesn't help to have my wife make a plan because I don't understand how I'm feeling. But when I use a system like the enneagram, I have a better idea of what's going on and can see why certain actions help.

It's a neat system.

galen  ·  737 days ago  ·  link  ·  

That sounds awfully depression-y. I'd encourage him to talk to his doctor, if that's at all possible. Could be that he just needs an SSRI to kick himself back into gear. Or maybe not, but it's worth the conversation.

elizabeth  ·  737 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Whoops, maybe it came off as more dramatic than I intended but I meant mostly work-wise. He's a pretty happy guy when around friends and family. It's mostly a "what am i doing with my work" unhappiness, that he seems to be actively avoiding. He works from home, so he'd ditch it all to go snowboarding instead. Not that it's a bad thing from time to time, but it feels like his productiveness has been on a steady decline. He admits it too, and says he doesn't feel like doing what he's doing. Which is also fine - people change and get tired of certain things - but it feels like the point where some kind of change is needed. The problem is he doesn't know what he wants and just sticks with the slowly declining status quo.

PTR  ·  737 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I read this when I was in a funk a while back. Not sure if it's the type of help you're hoping for him, but it's a good read for anyone to enjoy at any time in their lives. Hunter Thompson can speak to some things.

elizabeth  ·  737 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Thanks! I'll give it a read :)