There was a tidder thread the other day about 'How do you make a college application stand out?' and every response broke my heart. There is no way to 'stand out.' Your attempts to 'stand out' have been collected and codified into stereotypes. There are simply too many people.
While I agree with you, being "cool" isn't at all what I'm aiming for or what I think people should aim for. That's part of my problem with DIY scenes and why I'm much, much less involved with music. It is too much of a social tool aimed to present yourself in a certain way. I think community and a sense of strong relationships is what my comment is aiming towards.
The Ben Folds link was more to elaborate on the above point about stereotypes. Whatever it is we are trying to be, there is someone out there who is more of that. Likely several someones, and they are all just as hungry for the same things. Community is important. I sing with the people I do because I enjoy it, because they enjoy it, and because nobody is there for any other reason than enjoyment, pleasure in the act of singing.