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comment by user-inactivated
user-inactivated  ·  2582 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: The Mental Gym

I wanted to talk about this for a little while, ever since byonic told me about it and, in his intuitive wisdom, suggested I should take a break from it. Then I heard Henry Rollins speak - and it struck a chord with me so much I tear up every time I hear it.

I'm no longer the person he talks about, but if I were to listen to it just a year ago, I would be dazed, forced to make space in my head to think about just how closely it resembles my life at the time.

To be frank, I expected the speech to turn sour all the way until the very last piece. I anticipated it to say "Oh, how sad for you" and "Man up, you pussy". This is something I grew to expect people say about how I feel, and to hear someone like Rollins talk about it with honesty and empathy was refreshing.

I didn't write about the sensitivity and the feeling of betrayal that has accompanied me throughout my life, but both are important to me: either a blessing and a curse. I feel like, as much as I'd like to talk about those, "I Know You" and what I've written have already spoken on the matter plenty - at least for the time.

I also don't talk about the energy concerns. Me sitting on my ass my whole life, having no encouragement to work physically, and depression leave very little room for having the mental energy for getting stuff done. It's a major obstacle during the bad days, when depression is at its strongest, because I can't even make food for myself. It also discourages me from taking up physical culture education, which would increase my energy potential and current levels. I'm working my way towards it slowly, and the new-found more positive outlook helps a lot to keep the grip on it.

It was a cathartic experience, and I'm glad to have a place where I can speak freely on the matters that bother, inspire or simply make me so. I want to thank you guys for being here and making this place possible.