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comment by Devac
Devac  ·  102 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Ventski - December 2016

I'm going to echo the sentiment of many others here and start with 'fuck 2016!'. It's not to say that I don't see any good things in this year, but as a whole, I feel like I would be stretching the limits of words like 'mediocre' or 'underwhelming' to apply either.

For me, it's a year of medical disasters. I got sick more through this year than for the past decade, my teeth went nuts and one had to be permanently removed. My second growth sprout hit at April/May and prompted me to go to the hospital. The heart problems that I knew about turned out to be much more serious than I was thinking before. In a way, it could even prove to be life-saving. Same with my hormonal problems. My growth had stopped, or at least the ends of my bones finally calcified, there's little to no improvement to heart or circulation. In addition to that, because my hormones are on a level of continuous growth my caloric intake is just ludicrous. Some of you have problems with losing weight, and I want you to know that you have my support and can always count for at the very least a kind word. But if any of you will ever say "I wish I could always eat without any consequence to my weight", I'll just slap you. Imagine having to eat about 4800kCal per day and being constantly hungry. And I can't even bitch about it, because to most people I'm apparently living the fucking dream! Think about it like that: barely an hour ago I've eaten 500g (1.1 pounds) of peanuts and four sandwiches with cheese and bacon, and my stomach is already growling. And there's still no end to it.

On the family front, it's even worse. My mother seems to have some serious case of God complex for not being able to anything about my brother's tumour. That itself is an entirely different and heartbreaking story. One of the very few people who always cared to listen and never assumed that my questions or problems are some shitty issues that waste his time, a person to whom I was always looking up to… is barely coherent. I can't even bring myself to talk with him, despite myself and to my regret and disgust at myself, I was relieved that he can't have a computer in the clean room. Because that way I can't see how little of him is left. I know that it's him, but I have to remind myself of it.

Lastly, the people I study along are just getting on my nerves. I can glance over the lack of basic courtesies or respect, I can be above their petty insults are thrown at me behind my back. But the closer are the exams, the more of those shits try to get on my good side and ask for my help. That's just pathetic, insulting, insincere, exasperating and probably some other words that I don't want to look up.




mknod  ·  102 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I don't think I've met someone on hubski that would make light of a medical situation (at least not at your expense!)

I really empathize with your thoughts about your brother. It can be so hard, for everyone, not just the person who is ill to go through that. I hope things get better for you this upcoming year!

Devac  ·  102 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    I don't think I've met someone on hubski that would make light of a medical situation (at least not at your expense!)

You are correct, that's why I've deleted that part after getting a moment to cool my head. It's just… let's say that because English is my third language, despite constant practice, I've used some unfortunate turns of phrases that seemed to make people assume that I'm being a complete arse. I gather that people are more lenient toward me in that regard, but the first few weeks around here made me furious at some people because I had no idea what's their problem and they did not get that what's OK for me is pretty insulting in English. You can probably see it yourself, that words aren't my forte.

Anyway, thank you. Much appreciated, really. Right now the worst part about my brother is this: he's in one of the top oncology hospitals in EU (one with pretty advanced medical research institute within its premises to boot) and the general gist I got from his recent state boils down to a sad fact that even those best of the best doctors have no idea why his immune system deteriorated so fast and so suddenly. It's the middle of the first course, normal dose etc, and within two weeks he went from being almost unaffected by chemo to what is now.

I know that you are dealing with a lot of problems yourself, stuff that's completely alien to me. I don't know what to say, so I'll simply wish you good health and endurance to go through your hurdle and emerge as a stronger person.