I've been trying to become a more disciplined person. I'm getting up almost 2 hours earlier than I was about a month ago and usually get straight into some productive activity, so that's a start. But I'm still easily able to slip into distracting games after the initial spurt, so that's something to work on.

Though I act aloof, I secretly want to be revered for my craft. But I don't put in the time to achieve that. I sometimes feel overwhelmed by all the shit I don't know and it makes me feel like i'm not trying enough. Yet in other aspects I feel as though I'm working way ahead a lot of other people. It's easy to misjudge that type of thing though, when it's your own work and you have some ambiguous ideal you're working towards.

Virginia Woolf wrote:

Anyone moderately familiar with the rigours of composition will not need to be told the story in detail; how he wrote and it seemed good; read and it seemed vile; corrected and tore up; cut out; put in; was in ecstasy; in despair; had his good nights and bad mornings; snatched at ideas and lost them; saw his book plain before him and it vanished; acted people’s parts as he ate; mouthed them as he walked; now cried; now laughed; vacillated between this style and that; now preferred the heroic and pompous; next the plain and simple; now the vales of Tempe; then the fields of Kent or Cornwall; and could not decide whether he was the divinest genius or the greatest fool in the world.

I need to channel these feelings into action. But I guess that it is gradual process.