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comment by goo
goo  ·  2959 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Sweetie, As You Get Older, Your Body Becomes More Shameful

I've shared in the hopes that even one person analyzes it thoughtfully. But I am 100% on board with you here.

Fuck. Not the article I needed to read after a rough couple days. I think it's a good night for a bottle of wine.





Quatrarius  ·  2959 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    I've shared in the hopes that even one person analyzes it thoughtfully

My intentions as well. I wasn't trying to make light of something so serious. Sorry for the negative vibes, and I hope you feel better.

_refugee_  ·  2959 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Don't get me wrong. I know it's meant as satire and I see how it is meant as satire. I understand how it is a joke, and I am not offended and don't think you were making light of something serious - I mean, I don't think this post minimizes the American experience of female body shaming. Quite the reverse, to be honest.

I grew up in a household where I was not allowed to wear spaghetti or tank tops, only shirts that fully covered my shoulders. The only fuzzy justification my mother ever gave for mandating this wardrobe was that if I wore a tank top, my bra straps would be visible, and this was positively verboten. I vividly remember the first day I wore a tank top in public. I was in college.

So that's just one example of the "cover up and don't discuss it" culture I was raised in.

It's funny. I noticed in the article they touch on "feminine hygiene products" - pads and tampons. It's a satire and it's still more progressive than home - my mom actively denied that they even existed when I hit puberty.

    Just remember to never ask them and bury them deep down inside, and I’ll do my best to ignore whatever’s going on with you.

I suspect this article hits me a little closer to home than the average gal because of how I was raised. I know it's meant as satire and knowing that my reality was so similar is what disheartens me. That is why I can't share, because I know that there are places where this satire is reality and that is so wrong and so sad.

cgod  ·  2958 days ago  ·  link  ·  

It's a joke in that it reveals the conflict between addressing our conflict between how we'd like to see ourselves and live our lives and how we really do. It's a joke because it suggests how we should feel and how we really feel. It's a joke because this is a way we can actually talk about the issue. It's only "funny" in a bitter way.

Contradiction and pain are the living beating heart of humor. For some people this is the easiest way to confront the pain of life. Many people find David Sedaris hilarious, I see the humor, but it's a dark painful humor. I can think of a lot of comedy and humor that runs along these lines.

I shared this with my wife, I know that she battled living with her body greatly growing up. She said that this was the knifes edge of satire.

I've had a number of women tell me that their mothers did nothing to prepare them for the changes they had coming. Some had to talk to a friend's mom or aunt. Others had their mom shove a box of tampons on their hands with no words said and were left to figure shit out on their own. This piece helps me understand the pain of these experiences a little better.

My daughter tries to talk to me about her girl parts. I just can't do it in anything more than talk to her in a cursory fashion. I tell her "talk to your Mom, Grandma or Aunt," if you want to know more about that stuff. I don't know if I'm doing her a disservice? There have been two incidents where I've slightly hurt her and the next day at school she told the teacher that I was hurting her (one was an errant elbow in horse play, the other she was lying on my lap feet on my shoulders and started flailing around with her feet. I took a heel to the nose and jerked her off my lap, it left a bruise. Why she told the teacher I was hurting her haunts me). I want as little to do with her sexuality as I reasonably can. Kid say strange stuff and I don't want child services coming around after she yells all the kids at school about all the stuff I'm telling her about private parts.

Maybe I'm just fucked up and should be frank and honest with her questions. Maybe my avoidence of the topic is contributing to what ever cultural nerosis and sexual hangups she will discover in the future. A lack of ability to communicate on the topic with future partners? Maybe when she is older and understands a bit more about the state of things. That's my plan at least. Any ladies have an idea if I'm doing wrong? My wife says I'm too uptight and I need to be more open.

_refugee_  ·  2957 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Yes. I understand these things. That is nice of you to continue to try to make sure I do though.

oyster  ·  2958 days ago  ·  link  ·  

If anything I would suggest showing with your actions that her changing body and sexuality are nothing to be ashamed of. For example if she needs tampons or pads don't act weird about buying them. It also depends on the questions as it might just be that your wife will have a better understanding of whats's being asked. In that case I think maybe instead of just saying ask your mother and leaving her to imagine why you don't want to answer say something like "your mother knows more about that and would be a better person to ask" That way she understands that she is going to her mother simply because she is the most knowledgeable on the topic.

I say this because although my own mother tired to talk to me about some things I could always feel how uncomfortable it made her and if anything that messed me up the most.