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comment by Isherwood
Isherwood  ·  2949 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: I'm done helping those "in need"

I'd add there's some gradation when you get into the idea of giving people what they need.

I like to give my time to help people and was once at a breaking point like ThatFanficGuy. I realized that I wasn't fed up "giving people what they need" I was fed up giving people what they asked for.

Most of the time people wanted to play "poor me" and would jump from ear to sympathetic ear playing their part. The problem was that no one ever won this game. The people who needed help only felt better when they were acknowledged as the victim, but that feeling didn't last long and they never had reason to play any other part.

So I started giving people what I thought they needed. I gave them what I had to give and didn't offer to fake what they wanted. For the most part, it works better - people get something more honest and more human from me, and in return I feel I'm living up to the potential I have inside. It's not draining, it's invigorating.

(I should say, not every victim is playing "poor me", but if you pay attention it's not too hard to tell who is.)

goobster  ·  2948 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Totally. "Poor me" is a thing that keeps people going. They don't know who they are or how to define themselves, except by the "wrongs" they suffer at the hands of the world.

But there are others that are just disaster magnets. I know two of them, and have just blanked them out of my life. I feel incredibly bad for them, but I am not going to stand next to a trailer park in tornado alley and hope for the best... I'm gonna fucking move to where tornadoes don't go, ya know?

Not my circus, not my monkeys.

This hits particularly close to home for me right now, as I watch someone continue their inevitable slide to suicide. For 7 or 8 years, the whole community has rallied around her and supported her through disaster after disaster. And now we watch helplessly as she plays out her final disaster.

It sucks. It sucks ass. But, as you get older, you see this pattern repeat in life, and you resign yourself to helping those you can, the best you can, and knowing when you can't help any more.