There's a girl I study in the same group with. She's obnoxious, but she has a nice body, and somehow, I find myself attracted to her physically; sexually. I wouldn't want to even be around her, for she spills constantly how terrible the world is about her ("The exercise is too hard!", "The weather is horrible", "Oh, I just wanna die" - when nothing so terribly bad has happened) - but when I look at her, I want not to remember that, for her body is hot.
I'm generally easily excited when it comes to sexual activities, so I had this feeling before. This time, however, the situation is complicated both by the fact that rarely have I seen such a body around me as well as that I'm weirdly attracted to the girl herself because we bear the same flaws. When I look at the way she behaves, I see myself merely two years ago: I was as obnoxious a person when I first started university. From all the introspection I've done so far, this seems to be the reason I'm attracted to her. I also have a tendency to idealize people unconsciously, which doesn't help the situation.
I don't want to be attracted to her - at least sexually, for I suppose that the emotional attraction from the flaws will not go away any time soon. How common is it to be attracted to a person physically without being attracted emotionally (or being repulsed by them)? How do I process it and not fall victim to such a line of thinking?
I don't know how common it is, but here's some advice: I've on and off been attracted to a lot of women, many of whom I managed to resist for whatever reason. (Dating someone else, awful person, they weren't attracted to me.) You know what? I didn't accidentally ravage any of these women, nor did my pecker fall off, nor did I embarrass myself. So don't worry, I'm sure you'll be all right too. You're making it too complicated. Feelings can't victimize you if you don't let them. You don't really want her so you don't hit on her. Or, you decide your feelings are valid and you do hit on her. It's really up to you. You seem to think your feelings are going to sabotage you somehow. Do you not have a will? You can't get rid of your feelings, but you should be able to not act on them if you wish. The feelings will go away in time on their own. At worst, they'll go away when she does after study group is done.
Shit. You're right. I am making it too complicated for my own good. Thank you for reminding me of that simple truth that I know but haven't quite learned yet.You can't get rid of your feelings, but you should be able to not act on them if you wish. The feelings will go away in time on their own.