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comment by user-inactivated
user-inactivated  ·  3107 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: September 23, 2015

Bit of an interesting week for Fove. I hit 120kg (260lb) Deadlifting on Tuesday - the Deadlift is a big weakness for me so I'm glad it's coming along, I had been hoping to hit 120kg by Christmas; time to upgrade the goals!

At work I'm helping roll out the new systems upgrade; being a government branch this is pretty cool stuff I get to handle, and I get to teach all my colleagues in my department how to handle the changes. This is very different to my actual job but I'm glad they asked me to do it.

Question for you all though - I've been sort of, seeing/dating a couple of people around town. I've been getting mixed reviews about whether I should be going out with different people. I've been honest about the lack of exclusivity and this is just seeing how we gel out and about doing things, and each one has been fine with that; but I haven't exactly said "yeah so on this date with some other girl last week".

Am I a dick? Should I settle it down and focus on one person? I don't want to fall into that teenager version of me where I was a "player" and I really did treat women like shit, no getting around it. But I like all of them and it's a nice change to be so busy and sociable.





_refugee_  ·  3107 days ago  ·  link  ·  

1) It is stupid to go on casual (minimum : 1-3rd) dates with only one person at a time if a) you met the other person on a dating site; b) you don't know the other person or what they want very well; c) you aren't sure what you want. AKA, at the beginning, I encourage non-monogamy; it prevents "all eggs in one basket" syndrome and suchlike.

2) At 3 dates/100% intercourse on a repeated occasion/3-5 weeks, the relationship will begin to be defined. Even if you say nothing about the relationship or what relationship you want to have with this person, if you have gone on repeated dates, whatever relationship you have with this person will start to coalesce. It's my personal rule that if, by 5-6 weeks of repeated hanging out and/or fucking, a conversation about "what are we?" hasn't happened, that's because neither party wants to have that conversation. at which point you can feel free to continue to be non-monogamous if you haven't had that discussion, because the other person probably doesn't want to (and if you wanted to, you would have tried to have that conversation)

3) non-monogamy? a-okay. non-protected non-monogamy? NOT okay. protect yourself, protect your partners.

4) saying things like "i went on a date with this other girl x days ago/last week" = 100% honest, 100% boner-killer.

there is a fine line to walk between honesty and too much honesty. even if you wanted a long term serious relationship with someone you wouldn't say so on the first date, and that's because on the first date, you may know what you want, but you don't know if you want it with that person. that's fine. there are some things you SHOULDN'T disclose on a first date. ("I hooked up with some rando this weekend!").

learn where that line is, and learn where your personal ethical line is.

balance the difference

user-inactivated  ·  3107 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Thanks for the response - giving me plenty to think about.

Edit: I should say, it confirmed what I thought already, but good to hear from another source.

Protected as always.