So try this one on for size.

I ride a hyperexotic Italian motorcycle. Sometimes it likes to remind me that it's an Italian hyperexotic. Like day before yesterday, when I rode it into work, got it into its spot, and turned the key to turn it off. Only to have it not turn off. So I hit the kill switch and it sortof, kindof, not really turned off. Dash lights still on. Hit the starter switch - again, with the keys in my pocket - and it started right up. I had to disconnect the battery so that I would still have one in the morning.

In the morning, it had been raining (like, I know, right? In LA, even!) so that when I reconnected the battery and started it up, I had no speedometer. This is a known problem as the gauge cluster is less than waterproof and is something I intend to tackle upon arrival in Seattle for obvious reasons. Nonetheless, I split 22 miles in a torrential downpour to discover that in the seven years since I've ridden in rain, the jacket and boots have gone from "waterproof" to "sponge-like" and that I'd gained approximately 12 lbs in water weight by the time I pulled in. On the plus side, the speedometer started working about six miles in. No idea what to make of that.

My parts guru, who lives in Germany, suspects it's the Engine Control Unit, a tidy piece of electronics from Wallbro/Athena that retails for a mere 925EUR. He can maybe get me a used one. However, it might be the starter relay, and it might be the keyswitch. All three of which will have to come from Germany, and we're close enough that it's possibly better to ship it to Seattle as I might not be here by the time it arrives.

Upon further investigation this morning, the kickstand switch will kill the motor, but not the lights (as is appropriate). The engine kill will not kill the motor. Once the motor is killed, it behaves as normal - one can disconnect the negative earth and immediately reconnect it and be ready to go.

-OR- one can pull the fan relay.

Yep. The fan relay.

Pulling the fan relay won't kill the motor - but once the motor is killed, pulling the fan relay will cause the motor to not start without the key, which is a good thing.

The fan relay is fine (which sucks, because it's a garden-variety Panasonic mini, available from Mouser for $4). The presence of the fan relay seems to make the bike think it doesn't need a key.

How you like them apples?

In other news, I'm packing books, which means I'm throwing away a lot of books, as there's exactly zero mechanism within Los Angeles for used books and their disbursement. It took all the willpower I had not to immediately chuck every screenwriting resource I've ever owned, as well as 1.5 linear feet of my own writing.

It was still a bloodbath.