This is a feeling I've been struggling with for a while now.
I think I'm just being overwhelmed by...the Internet of Things, I guess? Whatever the fuck that means, I guess I should capitalize that. The point is I'm struggling with the fact that having a creative endeavor and putting yourself out there seem's damn near impossible on the internet.
Every time I want to create something or have an idea for a project or whatever it feels like somebody's already done it better and 1,000,000 people have already seen it and there's no point in even starting.
I want to make art but it looks like shit. I want to make stories but they've already been done...and also mine look are written like shit. Don't even get me started on film.
I mean even saying that I want to start a Let's Play channel with a friend of mine has solicited groans from other friends. The "seriously, there are already a million of those things" type of groan, the one that discourages me from even starting because fuck, they're right.
Everybody has already picked their "content", so to speak. They've picked the blogs they want to read, the music they want to listen to, their favorite film producer, etc. etc. There's no point in trying to puncture that bubble, and even thinking that is paralyzing.
And yeah yeah yeah, "just do it because you want to!, don't worry about who sees it!" except fuck that, that's a lie. I create things for myself, yeah, but sharing those things that I create is part of why I enjoy the process of creation so much to begin with.
I'm not saying I want to be the next Markiplier or Daft Punk or Brad Bird or Steven King or any of that shit. I don't need EVERYONE seeing the things I make all the time. I don't want to be famous or popular. But like every day a billion things get put up online to be collectively scrutinized by "the internet" and nobody's ever going to see mine and that's super disheartening.
It's why Medium is so alluring. Yeah, the platform seems kinda sleazy, and it's trope-filled, Silicon Valley, VC-Funded shit. But man, people read my stuff on there. It's AMAZING. It is a drug that I am willing to let myself get addicted to. And I'm not sure that's a good thing or not.
Is it a good thing? Is it not!? Have I not gone to sleep for 30 hours now?