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comment by user-inactivated
user-inactivated  ·  3211 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: What is your job, hubski?

it doesn't bother me so much on hubski because I don't exactly make things clear. but I'm not going to indulge it





_refugee_  ·  3211 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Sure, you should be gendered and represented as you identify and want to be gendered and represented. I understand that. I knew that I could relate to your feeling unhappy about being misgendered because I know I have corrected people and taken offense at their assumptions. But I realized I also have been misgendered and not minded or even felt good about that, so I was struck by the dichotomy. Sometimes I am deliberately obtuse about my gender and I think that is when I am pleased that people get it wrong. Sometimes I am open and state my gender and then I get pissed that they get it wrong. And then sometimes, middle ground.

I just hadn't really thought about that dichotomy before and was a little surprised to realize it. At any rate I can relate to being misgendered online and unhappy about it; and of course you shouldn't indulge it or any similar mischaracterizations that sit poorly with you.

cgod  ·  3211 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I feel greatful when I misgender someone and they correct me, It's not something I mean or want to do. There are many ambiguously gendered people in Portland and when all you are focused on is pouring booze in people's cups because there is a line to the door It's easy to get tunnel vision and go on instinct. I'm suprised at how gracious people are when they correct me. I do stop, make eye contact, if passing a drink or making change press their hand for a moment and say I'm sorry like I give a shit. I'm trying to let them know I mean it in the few seconds I have before I push on to the next drunk. The look I get back has ranged form a bemused "silly boy" to "it's really ok." If someone was pissed or hurt I wouldn't be at all suprised.