There are things I really like about this poem and others I don't. I like where it takes me from the middle to the end. I like the hallway, the ankles, the nail, the motorcycle. For me, 911 in a poem is a bit heavy. It's such a loaded image. Also, the the zippo/lighter thing is just really played out. Been used a gazillion times as imagery. Might as well have mentioned his breathe like smoke in the cold night etc... -Ah, speaking of "cold night," I would omit the very last 3 words, "in the night." Let the poem end with "for dear life." To summarize, I enjoyed the read but it could use some editing and less cliche in places. Glad I read it though, thank you for sharing. Do 8 year olds really have rage?
I agree with all you've said actually. You're right, I don't see where the mention of 9/11 fits in with the rest of the poem. Or, I sort of do.. but you're right, 9/11 is a huge thing to evoke and oftentimes it really should either be the focal point of a piece or not mentioned at all. But then again, that may be and probably is a completely arbitrary rule I made up. And do 8 year olds feel rage... Maybe. I think I did, but it was directed at my younger sister for lying and getting me into trouble, not at images on a television screen. I would like to say that maybe she means something else, but, then again, her poem and all. Thanks tng. I'm just proud of my friend :)
I think 8 year olds can absolutely have rage, especially if it stems from fear and bewilderment as in the (i agree with your adj choice) heavy 9/11 reference.