The belief that hidden memories can be “recovered” in therapy should have been exorcised years ago, when a rash of false memories dominated the airwaves, tore families apart, and put people on the stand for crimes they didn’t commit. But the mental health establishment does not always learn from its mistakes—and families are still paying the price.
Man. Another great, great read. I can't imagine how you cope with that kind of situation as a father, as a mother, as a sister, as anyone involved. The story makes it clear early on that Tom had not sexually assaulted her so there is no turmoil for readers. However, who knows the roller coaster of fear, guilt, shame, and emotions the mother went through. From having your daughter tell you this, to re-examining every tiny detail of your life and memories looking for clues, to hearing him "lie" to you, to feeling responsible for this horrible thing that happened to your child, to discovering it may not be true, etc. Even worse, is to see this from the father's perspective. Talk about dissociative identity disorder - how do you deal with hearing your own child say that you sexually assaulted them when you know for a fact you didn't? Are you angry? Are you disgusted with yourself? With her? Saddened by the fact she believes this? I mean...my god. I 100% believe that believing something is wrong with you will almost certainly make something wrong with you. It's amazing the power that our minds have over our physical bodies and it's amazing the power our minds have our our minds. I faked a headache in middle school to get out of class, only to discover I really did have a headache when I got home. I had a friend who would obsessively google any symptoms she had and suddenly be convinced that the ingrown hair was actually some rare genetic disease that would kill her within 48 hours. Obsessing for long enough about any subject, memory, emotion, or "fact" will most certainly warp it. Saying a word over and over again will warp it. To be obsessing and repeating and believing things, in a time when you are unsure of anything in your life, when you are unstable, and when the very people you trust and are surrounded by are encouraging you, rewarding you, and pushing your to obsess further - no shit it's going to cause your head to warp things. That's horrific.Though no criminal charges followed, the report meant Tom would be placed on New York’s Statewide Central Register of Child Abuse and Maltreatment, and identified as a potential danger to children. Tom contested the finding, and a hearing was scheduled—for the following year. “It felt like having all the air sucked out of the room,” Tom says of receiving the report.
When he left the room, Tom says, he went to his car and threw up. “I stayed there for hours, unable to move or drive,” he adds.