You know, I had an on again/off again thing with this one girl for 8 years. 8 Years. There's something there, but in our last round she told me that she too is terrified of letting people in. From the outside looking in, this is a real bummer (to put it mildly) because I have the feeling it would work out, if she'd let it. My point is, life is terrifying but so what? Not to minimize, but I've had some days where I've realized just how mortal I am and how unlikely it is that I'm even alive to begin with. Personally, I can't stand the thought of not taking opportunities to connect with people. I could be totally wrong, but if I am, whatever. I'm emphatically for trying things on with people I encounter and I really wish more people would be too. Then again, I say this as a healthy, youngish man who has luckily not suffered through any serious trauma. Anyway, I hope you find a friend. They're good to have.
Not to distract from the conversation you're having with cam, but I'm really interested by the quoted part in particular and what you mean by it....and how unlikely it is that I'm even alive to begin with.
It's pretty amazing that a few free floating amino acids developed into what we see around us every day. Furthermore, I am the product of two people who met in high school. To put that further in perspective, high school in the Philippines begins in 6th grade and goes until 10th grade. I don't know of anyone else whose parents have known each other so long, or remained so happy with each other (it's kinda gross). Also, I am kind of dumb in that I do dumb shit. Just the other day, that girl I was talking about told me that I have a lot of stories where I was doing things where I thought I was going to die. I guess that's true. In the end, there is so much left up to chance that if we consider some of the many variables that fell into place that resulted in us, it's pretty crazy that anything is the way it is at all, no?
I'm not sure if you've ever read about the RNA world hypothesis, but you might find it interesting. Just today I was in the radio station, and kind of staring at the leather couch in our office. Somebody asked me what I was looking at and I went off on this soapbox about how incredible it is that I was looking at something that, in the end, is composed of atoms that don't represent the whole in the slightest, in terms of appearance. Then I went off about how everything is composed of atoms that are composed of mostly empty space and how incredible that is. Sometimes I think, and this is an absolutely insane thought that comes up a lot, but that life could be some sort of a dream. That what we are experiencing, what we feel, our trials and tribulations are in the end some sort of a simulation or a weird state born out of some cosmetic sentience. I first encountered that idea from Final Fantasy X, of all places, but it's something that I think about every so often. Life is impossible.It's pretty amazing that a few free floating amino acids developed into what we see around us every day.
Well, there's a hypothesis that the universe is composed of information and that we are only 3d holograms of that information. And yeah, life may as well be a dream, for all that we exist in it. We are of the universe, observing the universe. Personally, I don't get what's so hard to grasp about that, but the fact that people see themselves as separate from nature instead of an extension of it is crazy to me. But yes, this means that the universe cares about my haircut because I do. Maybe.
I hear you. Please don't misunderstand. I don't avoid people. I love making connections. I'll spend a whole night screwing around with total strangers like we've known each other all our lives. The next day I've moved on. I don't dwell on what's wrong with that. Maybe I'll wake up soon in a panic at what I've done. I'm in a very odd relationship. I know it may not last forever but I take it one day at a time. I'd go crazy thinking about the future.
To me, this is "making connections" as in networking, not as in laying groundwork for friendships. That takes time. Personally, that's something I've had to make a conscious choice to do. Everyone is different and if it works for you, then cool. I'm convinced that friendship looks different to everyone and so do romantic relationships. Treat time as you will; it does the same to all of us.I'll spend a whole night screwing around with total strangers like we've known each other all our lives. The next day I've moved on.
You've cracked my mask a little. Thanks for a new perspective. It'll be my background for the next week.