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comment by teamramonycajal
teamramonycajal  ·  3631 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: On Jumping to Conclusions

Being the instigator of said turd tornado, my instigation was based, as far as I can tell, on seeing a comment that on the surface seemed to be bullheadishly sexist toward not only women, but men, and almost cartoonishly reminiscent of Reddit-style misogyny (perhaps I should have caught the 'cartoonishly'), and I guess apparently not having context like knowing who the heck Maddox was and having played Animal Crossing or being able to detect sarcasm over the nonverbal-cue-free medium of the internet. I guess we're all supposed to know every meme on the internet and be able to instantly tell when someone's being sarcastic even without reams and pages of context that can frankly be a little excessive of a request to make someone sift through depending on how much it is.

I 'fessed up to my misreading as soon as it was explained, but I can't say I'm particularly sorry for it given the response, and the fact that the other party to it made stupid amounts of assumptions about my own motives.

But ultimately, at least as far as I can tell, it didn't rustle my jimmies to nearly the extent it rustled kleinbl00's. I forgot about it by the next day and actually tried to interact with him later on a post on the death penalty in a neutral sort of setting, but clearly he hasn't and neither have other people here.

And that's the extent of what I'm going to say about that.

And lil, I didn't realize that you were talking about his music instead of, say, his appearance or sex appeal. The 'mmm' led me in the latter direction, to be fair.

I'm not easily embarrassed and not easily hurt emotionally, and doubly not by faceless people with whom I'm not engaging face-to-face, because at least in the way that I interact with the internet, it strips away a lot from communication and makes it ephemeral. A lot of you are very nice people, and I do try not to be an asshole, and I've mostly enjoyed my time on Hubski so far, but you're all still just marginally less faceless than Reddit to me still because of the interface we use, and the moment I get assholed at I don't much care about being an asshole back.

Anyway, if everyone gave a shit about what everyone else thought of them, we'd all be emotional cripples. Everybody's hated, disliked, or misinterpreted by somebody.





thenewgreen  ·  3631 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  

    A lot of you are very nice people, and I do try not to be an asshole, and I've mostly enjoyed my time on Hubski so far, but you're all still just marginally less faceless than Reddit to me still because of the interface we use, and the moment I get assholed at I don't much care about being an asshole back.
The interface is indeed faceless but the people are largely faceless to you because you are new to the site. Most people take the time to lurk a bit or if they jump in to the waters. When "jumping," they do so with the same thoughtfulness they would use when entering a party or group of people IRL that have been meeting for years. You don't just jump in and cry "sexism" in an unrelated thread, you don't point out minute flaws in a poetry conversation etc. Bear in mind that most of us have a history of conversations we've had with one another. We have a growing community tied together in a tapestry of discussions about many different topics. I welcome you to join in that discussion but please recognize that this is not like other aggregators you've been on. Take your time to learn the lay of the land and engage accordingly.... or don't. Your call, but I can guarantee a better experience for you if you consider Hubski a large social setting that you are walking in to for the first time.
kleinbl00  ·  3631 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  

    my instigation was based, as far as I can tell, on seeing a comment that on the surface seemed to be bullheadishly sexist toward not only women, but men, and almost cartoonishly reminiscent of Reddit-style misogyny

In completely the wrong context, completely the wrong forum, under completely wrong circumstances.

You have yet to apologize.

    I guess we're all supposed to know every meme on the internet

No, you're supposed to question the behavior of others to their face rather than derailing other conversations to see how much drama you can stir up. "A lot" as it turns out.

    I 'fessed up to my misreading as soon as it was explained,

This is an utter and total falsehood. You have "'fessed" nothing. You have carried on as if your actions were not only to be expected, they were justified and righteous.

    I can't say I'm particularly sorry for it given the response,

This is one of the first accurate things you've said.

    the other party to it made stupid amounts of assumptions about my own motives.

Said the person dragging up three-year-old Reddit posts to derail others' conversations.

    it didn't rustle my jimmies to nearly the extent it rustled kleinbl00's.

No one started your Sunday morning with character assassination. This is equivalent of saying "So I reached into the latrine and threw shit in his face, but for some reason he's a lot more pissed about the shit in his teeth than I am about the shit under my nails."

    I forgot about it by the next day and actually tried to interact with him later on a post on the death penalty in a neutral sort of setting, but clearly he hasn't and neither have other people here.

...and the amazing thing is that this surprises you.

    And that's the extent of what I'm going to say about that.

Yup. An explanation without justification or an apology. See if you can work Oprah in there again. That was awesome.

    And lil, I didn't realize that you were talking about his music instead of, say, his appearance or sex appeal. The 'mmm' led me in the latter direction, to be fair.

See, here's the basic problem.

1) You decided to piss in lil's cheerios

2) lil totally served you

3) lil, because she's a nice lady, actually feels bad about it

4) But you still can't see your way towards apologizing for pissing in lil's cheerios.

"To be fair."

    I'm not easily embarrassed and not easily hurt emotionally,

So what you're saying is that if we expect ordinary human behavior out of you, we'll need to get medieval.

Copy that.

    at least in the way that I interact with the internet, it strips away a lot from communication and makes it ephemeral.

But in the way the Internet interacts with you, you're still having to deal with it a week later.

There might be a lesson to learn here.

    I do try not to be an asshole,

TRY HARDER.

    but you're all still just marginally less faceless than Reddit to me still because of the interface we use,

Sure. Blame the interface.

It's been pointed out to you five or six different different times that we all regard each other as humans. If that does not appeal to you, Hubski will not, in the long run, appeal to you. Your time would perhaps be better served elsewhere.

    Anyway, if everyone gave a shit about what everyone else thought of them, we'd all be emotional cripples.

No, but if we didn't give a shit about the people we choose to give a shit about, we'd all be psychopaths.

I choose to give a shit about these people. I - and others - have requested that you choose to do the same. If you are incapable of doing this, kindly leave.

lil  ·  3631 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  

    I didn't realize that you were talking about his music
That's exactly my point. Given that people tend to jump to conclusions and beliefs about what other people mean - how can we check our assumptions?

If it isn't obvious from my post, I prefer that people check their assumptions. Do you or anyone else reading this engage in assumption-checking? Do people ask, what is my evidence for this assumption? If I think that maybe I see an error in someone else's thinking, do I consider ways to tell them that will be helpful to them, for example in a personal message?