a thoughtful web.
Good ideas and conversation. No ads, no tracking.   Login or Take a Tour!
comment by coffeesp00ns
coffeesp00ns  ·  3850 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Stop Saying "I Have A Boyfriend"

This is touching on the complication of language, truly. "Have" is so myriad in its meanings that to relate it only to its "possessive" or "ownership" role is problematic and kind of a single reading of the language. I mean, for sure, you can read the phrase "I have a significant other" as a possessive relating to "I own this person in some way" or "this person is attached to me and only me without any other defining features", and it is of course very problematic, and has a deep, dark underbelly of ugliness.

But if you try and take that and expand it to other relationships the concept breaks down, right? which is what briandmyers is getting at. Like, "I have a Conductor who is frustrating to deal with." I don't possess "my conductor", I possess "my relationship with my conductor", which, in the context of this example, is poor.

I think the problem comes from the fact that "I Have a significant other" ends there. there is no context to the relationship like the one I have with my conductor. This leaves it open to the concept of sole possessiveness (which leads to severe problems in relationships).

"have" also has a concept of time/space involved. "I have been to Paris, once." "I have to go."

Thanks for setting my brain a-working. How do you bring a significant other up in the context of a conversation?





user-inactivated  ·  3850 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    How do you bring a significant other up in the context of a conversation?

Tough one. I freely admit to having used "I have..." at various points in my life. I don't know what it is about the phrase that rubs me wrong exactly -- yeah there are overtones of possession, though as briandmyers points out, it's mostly coincidental -- but it's hard to avoid using. I like "I'm with someone" or "I'm dating a girl named x" as direct replacements, but it doesn't always sound right, and those aren't perfect substitutes.

_refugee_  ·  3849 days ago  ·  link  ·  

"I'm seeing someone." I think that's generally what I use.