a thoughtful web.
Good ideas and conversation. No ads, no tracking.   Login or Take a Tour!
comment by ButterflyEffect
ButterflyEffect  ·  3620 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Fucking Like A Feminist 

    but they are vastly outnumbered by the people who say and think they communicate well, and in practice communicate extremely poorly.

Hmm. Would you mind providing an example of this? I just want to see if we're on the same page or if I'm actually one of those people. Outside of reenforcement I'd also use another "r" word - reflection to figure out if you're actually doing a good job with communicating.

oh god wait, this is straight from Facebook: "You kno you need a break from your roommate when you both can have a conversation without saying a word".





user-inactivated  ·  3620 days ago  ·  link  ·  
This comment has been deleted.
user-inactivated  ·  3620 days ago  ·  link  ·  
This comment has been deleted.
ButterflyEffect  ·  3620 days ago  ·  link  ·  

That quote wasn't from me, but it was impeccably timed.

I've found that if the phrase "we need to talk" ever comes up it's usually not good. Most conversations with a positive / neutral outcome are organic but that phrase has never ended well. As for the first part, I totally agree. Talking through problems or talking through sexual interests/whatever is so interesting though. Learning about your partner is great and if you fuck up the communication at least you're learning something I guess.

just saw your other comment. I don't think I'm good at communication which is why I'm asking you these things. Duh.

and it's all deleted. rest assured everybody, there were some good comments there.

_refugee_  ·  3620 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I want minimum_wage 's comments to come back.

Yesterday I tried to have a conversation with my former significant other about the argument that had caused our relationship to end. We couldn't sort through it. I guess neither of us were willing to budge on certain things. I didn't like a nickname he'd come up with me and instead of being willing to drop the nickname when I asked he began to attack the problems I had with the nickname. I had to say to him "Look, it doesn't matter why I have problems with it. It's a stupid nickname. I should be able to say "hey i don't like that" and you should be able to say "ok", drop it, and that's the end of this conversation."

We tried to talk through our problems but really got nowhere. He had asked if maybe we could just forget the whole thing, and get back together - but we couldn't even resolve it. That seemed like a really red flag communications-wise for me. I said no. We couldn't get back together.

ButterflyEffect  ·  3619 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    He had asked if maybe we could just forget the whole thing, and get back together - but we couldn't even resolve it.

Oh no, this is a major no-no for me. I don't about you ref, but once I'm done with somebody I'm out. No going back. I totally agree with you on just being able to drop it with the nickname thing. I might want to know why, but that would be after the fact and more for to avoid a similar situation in the future.

_refugee_  ·  3619 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I agree.

I told lil that he broke up with me the way an 8 year old tells his mother he hates her when he is angry. He broke up with me because he was pissed off and lashing out. I knew even in the moment that he didn't understand the magnitude of what he was doing. It was an extremely immature action, made by someone who's never been in a real relationship before, and thought he could tell me we were broken up to upset me and I guess ultimately "bring me into line."

Well, momma don't play that way. If you break up with me we are done. You have made the decision, the rather serious decision, that you no longer want to be with me. I have no interest in being with someone who's not interested in me and on top of that I have no interest in being with someone who's going to break up with me after a fight instead of discussing it and trying to work through it.

so yeah, bfx, we're completely on the same page. And as for the nickname, he wanted to know why, and then argue with me about why my feelings weren't valid. as i know i said above. so...I left that situation feeling like the breakup maybe didn't need to have come as early as it did, but that itw as coming.

user-inactivated  ·  3620 days ago  ·  link  ·  
This comment has been deleted.