In the last few months I've successfully broken every single rule I've ever set for myself. Literally. Every. Single. One. Decades? Pshhhhh...fuck your decades. :P Thank god I'm in a no-dating phase so it doesn't matter. Apparently, I like to live my life complicatedly. It does and doesn't. My last relationship began as just sex and developed into being inseparable and loving each other's company (sex and non-sex wise.) We were both on the same page about what we were through the entirety of the sexing / dating / being in a relationship. The reason it often doesn't work out is because one person just wants sex and one wants love. I think that is a good rule to play by if you are looking for a relationship. I'm also guessing one of the reasons my last relationship didn't work out is because I really wasn't ready to be in a relationship. I wanted to work some of my personal shit out but I didn't have a chance to because we just fell into a relationship. I've been pulling this line so much lately. To be fair, I have been really, really busy. But when there is a guy I am into, I suddenly have time. When I'm looking to date again I know I'm going to include a few new rules this time around. 1. He can't smoke cigarettes. I've been back on them lately and I hate it. I don't need someone else making me worse. 2. Must be as busy / career-oriented / ambitious as I am. I don't care what he does or how much money he makes but he better dedicate himself to work or a hobby or something. Have passion for something. Watching TV and smoking weed is not a passion. 3. Must not have weird issues with gender roles, especially related to money. I make a very decent amount of money for my age. My family has a buttload of money (which is NOT mine - I am not given any money from my family) but these two things created HELL in my last relationship. If you are still stuck in the mindset that you are going to be the breadwinner and I'm going to be barefoot and pregnant, it isn't going to work out. 4. If it's going to be serious, he must want kids. But he must not want marriage / children until I'm at least 30. I have no problem if he's older, but obviously a lot of older guys are looking to settle down and have kids in the next few years. I'm not. I've got shit to do. 5. Must enjoy traveling and want to see the world. 6. Drug use & getting shitfaced are limited to rare, special occasions. 7. No babysitting necessary. Being responsible - when drunk and otherwise. I don't want to have to make sure one of your friends steals your car keys away once you are shitfaced. I don't want to worry about whether or not you're going to come home puking drunk & angry. 8. No liars. No cheaters. No bullshitters. Be straight with me. Respect me. Respect yourself. Then everything will be fine. This last one I'm still torn on: their relationship / time spent on the internet. Obviously, I spend all day on the computer. I program shit. I edit shit. I know about security. I read all day. I've dated one guy who was just as into reddit and internet shit as I was. It was nice because we had a lot to talk about and were similar. But it also led to a lot of lazy nights of us laying in bed each on our own laptops. My most recent relationship, he did nothing online. He checked his email and maybe 30 minutes of youtube surfing. That's it. It led to doing a lot more outside, traveling, etc. But he also never understood how I got so much joy and entertainment sitting in front of the computer for a few hours. He also didn't get Hubski. That was a big issue. So I don't know. Maybe a mixture. It was nice for him to force me outdoors once in a while though.I feel that often, sex on the first date leads to non-relationships
8. “I've just been really busy” means “I'm not that interested in you.”
I like this a lot. I like people who are as innately curious as I am. Always looking to figure out how things work, why things work, try new things, etc. I find that engineers typically have these characteristics but I have yet to meet a dateable engineer - or an engineer who likes to travel.
Can I ask you to expand on that situation a bit? The quitting the job thing and why you think engineers are boring, because as you can see here this is something that I'm struggling with.
Hi, this is me. Still trying to figure out where I want to road trip to in July. But yeah, you're right with what you said about engineers. I'm finding that right now I'm much more interested in non-engineers in terms of dating....or an engineer who likes to travel.
What is this outside world you speak of. Freshman year of college was when I realized that the nagging, black hole that was slowly expanding in the pit of my chest was anxiousness from sitting in my dorm all day. Turns out Mr. Brain found this to be really shitty. Who'd have thought? I actually don't really like the university I go to when it comes to the fact that I don't really have anything in common with the general majority of the people who go there. That being said, I made the mistake of believing that "going outside" had to involve those people. Getting fresh air is its own reward, regardless if it's with other people or not. I've made an effort to go out for an hour a day since then. Some days, if I'm feeling particularly depressed, or my fucked-up sinuses decide that it isn't having that shit, then I won't be able to find it in me. But I've become considerably more happy since. It can be surprising how easy it is to want to shut yourself in all day. The internet has literally everything in existence on one screen. I can be whatever the fuck I want playing a videogame. It's harder to remember the outside world isn't as scary as you might make it out to be, and in the end, beats a videogame or reddit link any day.
If I'm not careful, I fall into this as well. And then I'm irritated and my muscles are icky and my brains not as sharp and I wonder why. You need stimulation thats not a glowing screen. Sunshine also helps.It can be surprising how easy it is to want to shut yourself in all day. The internet has literally everything in existence on one screen.
These are good, insom. #2 is something I'm realizing I need. Or at least, person must be driven, must actually attempt to achieve things. I am thinking it would be fun if I could try and date a (good) poet. But if he were as driven as I am, it could become a competitive disaster. On the other hand I'd be able to go on and on about poetry with someone who really got it. 8's all great. I try to convert people to Hubski all the time and it never takes. But I'd rather keep those I'm dating off of it so I can talk about them when I want!
Amen. I still hold back a bit about what I say because I think my ex still comes on occasionally. Probably to see what I'm up to. I just found out the guy I met a few days ago doesn't have a facebook. Never has. I told him that was unacceptable. When he asked why, I said "because I have no idea who you are and what you do and what you've done and what your ex looks like and who your friends with or anything! You could be a serial killer or married or who knows what." He laughed at me and told me he'd tell me anything I wanted to know. I told him that that provided less insight because everything would be skewed through his perspective - it wouldn't be nearly as objective. He found this to be the most hilarious thing ever and told me my honesty was refreshing. I told him to go back 8 years and make a facebook so I can stalk him. I wonder how people ever dated before the internet. I guess that's how people were able to keep two wives and shit. Still mind-boggling. I must've found the one guy under 30 who has never had a facebook.But I'd rather keep those I'm dating off of it so I can talk about them when I want!
I have so many questions!! Okay. So. How did you never create a facebook? I completely understand people who have deleted their facebook or rarely post anything. I don't understand how you could never have made a facebook when it was all the rage. Do you ever find yourself missing out on things? Did you ever find yourself missing parties / events when Facebook was the defacto mode of event invitations? Have you dated someone with a facebook and did she find it weird that you didn't have one? How do you get access to photos of yourself taken at parties or by friends?!
I'm obstinate, and most of the people I was hanging around with back then were too. None of us had Facebook accounts when it was all the rage because it was all the rage. Or at least, anyone who didn't wouldn't have admitted it to the rest of us. People I'd known in high school had Facebook accounts, but the ones I wanted to keep in touch with I kept in touch with via im/email. By the time anyone I might have listened to was pressuring me to make one it wasn't just for university students anymore and there were already stories about employers Facebook-stalking employees, so I was more firmly opposed. Probably, but nothing comes to mind so probably not anything I really regretted missing. I have dated people with Facebook accounts. I've never owned a cellphone either, so by the time Facebook comes up anyone who'll think I'm weird for not having one already thinks I'm weird. I don't like having my picture taken. There are probably a few pictures of me out there, but I'm not interested in seeing them.How did you never create a facebook? I completely understand people who have deleted their facebook or rarely post anything. I don't understand how you could never have made a facebook when it was all the rage.
Do you ever find yourself missing out on things? Did you ever find yourself missing parties / events when Facebook was the defacto mode of event invitations?
Have you dated someone with a facebook and did she find it weird that you didn't have one?
How do you get access to photos of yourself taken at parties or by friends?!
Hey, just because he doesn't have a facebook doesn't mean he's not on the internet. I suggest some wine and an evening of Googling. Best case scenario, you might find fun stuff like news articles, or even better articles from college papers and stuff. I was trying to locate an example because I was quoted in a local newspaper around the age of 16 oh so many years ago, but I guess they've taken it down.
Already done that. I know his middle name and that he has two brothers and the location of the house he grew up in. That's it though. He has zero online presence. One good piece of news is he's never been arrested and no mugshots online. +1
Womp womp. I think everyone has lapses. If you're still into e-cigs, have you considered messing around with RBAs and mechs? I'm just learning to coil, but it's fun so far.1. He can't smoke cigarettes. I've been back on them lately and I hate it. I don't need someone else making me worse.
I'm still on the ecig 90% of the time. I'm just back on a pack of cigarettes or two a week. I have my morning cigarette... and my post-work cigarette.... and my lunch break cigarette.... and my post-class cigarette and... my "fuck you work, it's 2am" cigarette. If I drink, game over. I blew through 2 packs in a night last weekend (although there were 3 of us sharing the packs.) I'm not sure what caused the hop back to real cigs. I've been much more stressed lately (work, 2 huge freelance projects, finals, & moving). There are also two new guys at work that smoke reals so I often join them for one. I also cut my juice from 18mg to 12mg. Ideally, I'd like to wean myself of the ecig at some point as well which is why I stepped from 24mg to 18mg to 12mg. Maybe 12 is taking it too far, too soon. I don't know. Come June 1st, I'm getting off them 100% again. Mark my word.
That does sound like a lot of stress and a lot of change. Maybe you feel like a cigarette is something concrete to hold on to? Personally, I'm learning to coil because I don't think I'll be weaning myself off of e-cigs anytime soon and I feel like the novelty of the whole RBA and mech thing will help me stay off of analogs. I'm considering stepping my juice down as well, but mostly because when I blow 36mg vapor through my nose I sometimes get a headache. I'm gonna sample some 18mg when my mech stuff comes in. I'll take you at your word. I hope all your stuff goes off smoothly!