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comment by thenewgreen
thenewgreen  ·  2805 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: I Made Tea

The great part is that it never gets better than "I made tea." Perhaps: "Yawning, I made tea." But beyond that it's superfluous.

user-inactivated  ·  2805 days ago  ·  link  ·  
thenewgreen  ·  2804 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Damn, I might do that. Thanks

lil  ·  2804 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I think it does get better... BUT ONLY because it began so slimly, so barely, with just three words.

I am constantly deleting words from my own and other's writing. Every word should either develop character or advance plot.

Instead of deleting, this exercise adds words. These unnecessary words seem more exciting and welcome when they are not all presented at once. It's not just the game-like sense of it that is appealing, but the filling out of the scene that as the tea-making process becomes more detailed that makes it readable AND the process of being a participant. It is my clicking that fills the scene. I could leave it alone -- but I'm curious and intrigued.

Almost tasting the grey of the city mist is nice -- it makes the first sip of the cup of hot tea more delicious.

More could have happened, more might have happened: When the mist lifted outside my window...I saw a body on my doorstep, an arrow from a crossbow embedded in its heart.

user-inactivated  ·  2804 days ago  ·  link  ·  

The top comment from the post in the small subreddit where I found this is "in the future, this is how kids will read The Great Gatsby."

Food for thought, there.

humanodon  ·  2805 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Completely superfluous. The content isn't great, but I really dig the concept. I certainly hope that those na-na-whatever folks aren't taking notes from this . . .