Do you ghost?
- Ghosting—aka the Irish goodbye, the French exit, and any number of other vaguely ethnophobic terms—refers to leaving a social gathering without saying your farewells. One moment you’re at the bar, or the house party, or the Sunday morning wedding brunch. The next moment you’re gone. In the manner of a ghost. “Where’d he go?” your friends might wonder. But—and this is key—they probably won’t even notice that you’ve left.
FINALLY! Something we Irish are famous for that doesn't involve swallowing pints of porter or beating the shit out of your best friend for no good reason. I guess I ghost. I arrive like a wet fart, later than expected and as a surprise to everyone else. I hang around long enough to insult the guys and arouse the girls. And like that, poof. I'm gone.
Only time I ever ghosted I was too drunk/high to realize I was out the door. I like the idea of a swift and clean goodbye, though ghosting can only really be effective if there are enough people to disguise your exit. Unfortunately, this would not work--say--at a dinner foursome with your in-laws...
I think it's at least curteous to at least alert the host, so they have an idea of how many people they are responsible for, even if it's just a tap on the shoulder and understanding head nod as you sidle out the door. There's certainly no reason to go around saying goodby to everyone at the party, particularly if it's a large party and/or you're not particularly close with most of the guests. The tactic of "let one or two people know you're leaving" that seems to be popular heresounds like the best one to me, and is what I do in practce.
I will admit to ghosting, especially if I get drunk and hungry and no one else is interesting in eating, or more likely, I feel like eating alone. It's not that I mind people seeing me eating, it's just that sometimes I don't care to be social while I eat. Alternatively, I sometimes ghost if I don't like the crowd, or the dynamic feels weird to me, but in general, if someone made an effort to personally invite me to something, I feel like I am obligated to do them the courtesy of at least thanking them for the invitation and to set vague future plans (which I tend to act on) to do something with them at another time, as per my upbringing.
I was going to respond to this, but now I'm just going to leave.. without a trace.... Ghosting actually does exist online. I'm not doing it right now, but I am calling it a night on Hubski. It's only 11:15 here, plenty of time to go create some "music" and I've got some whiskey..... -Horrible sounds are about to be made.
I am a huge ghoster. Part of this derives from the fact that I tend to go to bed early while many of the friends I go out with like to stay out quite late. This turns into them in general giving me a hard time when it's 10 and I (used to) announce my departure. I have also had instances where one or two good friends tend to get very clingy when drunk, to the point where in college they would attempt to make me stay at the party. I don't play that way. So I started ghosting. What I generally do, however, is find one person at the party (usually a close and relatively sober friend) and let them know that I am leaving. This way, in 30-60 minutes when people are wondering where I am, that person can pipe up and inform them I left. It feels a little less rude that way. I don't ghost if it's a small group but a party or even a large group at a bar? Sure. Goodbyes can take time if you're saying one to everyone, plus there's always that friend who you have to track down to say bye to. Don't say bye and you bypass (ha) that problem. I am actually notorious for doing this in my group of friends. I think part of it is my streak of stubborn independence: if I decide to leave, I'm not interested in someone else trying to make me stay. So I skip it.
I'm actually the jerk that would try to get you to stay. I never want to the fun to stop. I was just talking with b_b about that. I can't understand how some people are so quick to call it a night :)find one person at the party (usually a close and relatively sober friend) and let them know that I am leaving. This way, in 30-60 minutes when people are wondering where I am, that person can pipe up and inform them I left. It feels a little less rude that way.
-That's courteous of you. Otherwise people start to worry. She's been kidnapped. Again. Every time we hang out EH get's kidnapped.
I promise not to ghost at the DC meetup. I was actually just thinking about that as I wrote the post and I was like "small group of people, first time hanging out...can't/not gonna ghost out of that one!" I will even endeavor to stay up past bedtime, if it comes to that. ;)
I will even endeavor to stay up past bedtime, if it comes to that. ;)
-It will. Like I said, I will be the one making sure everyone stays out way later than they ought to ;)
I'm personally a fan of the partial ghosting. If I'm at a party big enough where I know a lot of people, too many to say goodbye to in a timely and/or non-awkward manner, I like to say I'm leaving (and why) to one or two people and then take off, knowing my absence will be explained by those people.
I don't ghost. Actually I really can't think of a time when I've left a gathering without saying goodbye or waving. Just how I was raised. Still it varies a bit from situation to situation. Also -- can't believe how many ethnic stereotypes and phrases there are associated with this phenomenon I've never bothered to think about.