"Dialogue is just two monologues clashing," he said. "That's my Big Theory. It's true in life – never mind drama. Everyone is always, always thinking about themselves. It's kind of impossible to do otherwise."

It's good advice because it feels right: the reason a lot of soap opera dialogue is unrealistic is that, unlike real people, the characters actually listen to each other. You'd think this would make Albert Square more harmonious, but of course it has the opposite effect, thanks to their other glaringly implausible habit of expressing their innermost emotions out loud, instead of anxiously suppressing them like any self-respecting human wreck.