I mentioned yesterday that I was arrested and lost my car and computer in the process. My car was at the hotel I was staying at with my computer safely inside along with my suitcase that had my meds in it.
Got my car this morning and I was driving to the bank after lunch when I noticed a brown bag on the floorboard. It had a pint of vodka in it. Before I went on a bender and was arrested I was buying them two at a time. I passed out before I could drink this one and couldn't find it the next day because I have a different usual hiding place.
I was excited and afraid. I want to drink but I don't want to fuck up again and get caught for it so close to my most major fuck up ever. I thought I could get away with it and that scared me too. I thought about drinking some in the car on the back roads. I stopped at the gas station to get a Mountain Dew.
I threw the whole thing in the trash at the gas station. I've never thrown away booze. I even was drinking flat opened beers from the night before for a time. Yeah, I've poured out some beers but I've never wasted a perfectly good, mint condition bit of alcohol.
I threw the whole goddamn thing out. And I didn't feel good. I wasn't proud and relieved. I felt regret if anything.
I don't want to turn hubski into my personal addiction support hotline. I just didn't have anyone to tell and I kinda like (most) of you.