Whether it's the wishes that I have or the things that I have to do, I don't have it in me to do much good for myself right now.
I've been spending three days in a row doing next to nothing. Sure, I took a walk - which I don't do often despite them doing me good - and I cooked some chicken breasts, but nowhere near the list of things I better be doing.
I have to learn a semester's worth of grammar in a month (and be able to present it), make a presentation for the Safety Basics class (which is us talking about how terrifying the world is and providing examples to prove it - nothing of actual use) about stuff I'm not even remotely familiar with, get a list of words together for Language Practice and learn it, get my Latin together again and, most importantly, finally get to washing my stuff.
On top of that, I have to write posts for my blog, write stuff, look into savings and working out again, keep cooking (a particularly tedious task for me) or waste money on overpriced ready meals I can do myself for half a price... I can't keep my sleeping schedule because I don't feel like sleeping at 11 PM because, hey, I'm not tired! why? because I didn't do anything! So I wake up at 9 AM, groggy, slow, moody and empty, energy-wise.
Shit seemingly crumbled onto me all at once, and I don't have it in me to do anything about it. I feel like lying in bed, eating sweets and watching TV shows, but the reality disagrees with my desires because I have shit to keep up. Ever since beginning to run I've been getting my shit together - finally got the Grammar stuff figured out, months after my first opportunity to, restarted learning German like I wanted to, started looking into better living... Is this some sort of withdrawal from the time I didn't have the energy to do those things? and now that I do, the sheer scope of what I can achieve drives me back into the hole where I resided for so long even though I don't have to do it all at once?
I have no idea what to do. I don't have any money for sweets which would at least alleviate some of the feeling, nor do I have someone to keep me company during this down state. Things finally look brighter to me, and I don't have it in me to chase them.