I've been feeling weird lately. Movies meaning so much. A lot of emotions. I've been drinking 3 or 4 nights a week almost for years. I haven't held down a job almost ever. Just random jobs. I'm almost 29. I feel like a fuck up. I did good in college, but dropped out. I won a journalist award. First place column in my state in my division.
I don't really know why I'm writing this. I don't want to go to the free clinic for medication. I'm almost certain I'm depressed. I think I've developed OCD from drinking and depression. I have a lot of ticks and stuff. Sometimes I feel like I can't think. Like every thought is bad. Or if I feel happy the universe will conspire to make me suffer. It's terrifying and crazy. I need help. I need to stop drinking. Maybe that would be enough to get me through.
I'm not happy with some choices I've made. I don't know if I'm still a good person. I want to be a good person. Just got too fucked up and treated myself and others without caring about what I did.