Growing up, I often found myself in this conflict. I'm either accused of caring too much of myself and not the feelings of others or asked why I can't use my head and think for myself.
If I put my feelings first, I will be considered someone who doesn't care about the well being of others and acting selfishly on desires without thinking of the consequences for my own actions.
But then if I put the needs and opinions of others before my own, it would label me as someone who is so insecure that they need to seek approval of others just to have a sense of worth rather than someone who believes in themselves.
Often times I hear the phrase "You shouldn't care about what others think of you. What matters is what you think of yourself. You can't make everyone happy."
Seconds later, I watch interviews of mourning loved ones mention how the victim was someone who never thought of themselves, that they always put others first.
Is it possible to have a balanced mind set of this?
Also an afterthought, while it's easy to disregard a stranger or even an acquaintance's accusations, it's more difficult to escape it when it comes from your family or friends.