I miss eating breakfast cereal. No really: it was my crack. I'd snort a couple bowls of Corn Flakes or Cheerios and be high as a kite.

I miss Corn Flakes. I would crunch them in my hands then let them get soggy. I'd make corn mush. Now all I have to show for my fight against that addiction is sixty fewer pounds and an inch more... umm, something that isn't family friendly.

Now my breakfast is soy patties, toast, old school peanut butter (the kind with the oil on top), and a banana. Pesky nutrition is far less processed, but it's also less sexy. However I get to have non-embarrassing intercourse so it's a fair trade.