Hi everyone. Long time no post but have been lurking. and lacking the energy and clear thought to comment at the time. Apologies in advance if this is not as clear as it should be.

My name is Dan and I am an alcoholic. I quit drinking 2 years ago after a strict warning from the docs. I was told that certain changes would help me so I quit smoking, dropped 40 lbs of fat, packed on 10 lbs of core muscles, went Keto, etc. but my numbers were still declining.

As it happens, however my internal organs had been damaged by drinking was acerbated by being the 10 year sole supporter for my Mom who has end stage Alzheimers; As in throwing knives at me, accusing of me of theft all the time, calling the police, cutting up my baby pictures and saying she should have aborted me. Looks like the same person but it is not. I am a very self-confident adult who knows she is severely brain damaged and that still hurts. Can't imagine what I would be like if I was treated like that as a child.

I was told yesterday that I need to get on the Trillium Gift of Life transplant list in Toronto so I am putting my mom in a home, putting the house on the market and trying to plan the next 2 years of my life. 30% chance of living through one year, and 80% for 2.

My Dad was the 4th (?) person to get up off the table with a single lung in 1985. Died of rejection in 1986 at the age of 56. First person to take AZT in North America I believe and the source material for several New England Journal worthy articles. I was the kind of kid that would enjoy watching autopsies and but after that I have trouble separating the person from the slice and dice. Seeing the person I love the most in my life go through that scares me. And now I get to experience the process first-hand, albeit not in experimental mode.

I am a 53 y.o. male, Caucasian, forget my blood type at the moment, 5'8", 165 lbs right now with 10 pounds of asceties giving me a beer belly. Other than my health issues I obviously also have to look after my Mom and the financial issues will be considerable. $4,500/mth for her apartment, probably the same for me within walking distance to the hospital. I don't have friends or family for support really as they have kinda faded away as my mom has gotten worse. I have not had a vacation in 10 years so I am going to buy an off grid truck this week and really would like to do some desert camping to meditate and do yoga after taking Psilocybin or whatever I need to do for the Yaqui way of Life.. lol

I am terrified of having to do this alone. I have to find all means necessary and I just don't know where that is going to come from either internally or as an outside influence. I have essentially lost all my hobbies so I can't even move to Taos and sell clay.

Anyhow, I will try to keep a log of any updates if there is interest. It could be glad, it could be sad, it could just ramble or be boring. I don't know. I will try to include strict science as well as gallows humor or any odd fact in an attempt to entertain myself and perhaps you but who knows.

Hope all is well everyone!

Odd fact #1: After my heart attack I lost all the hair on my legs. I noticed this morning, after 6 days in the ICU that I now have baby blond hairs on my knees and calves. No one seems to know what to make of that.




I've also been a lurker here for many years. I live in Chicago and work with hospitals and their data. Would love to hear about your journey.

Good luck!

posted 322 days ago