Welcome to the Gathering of the Juggalos. These guys came onto my radar with the "Magnets, how do they fucking work?" video was widely mocked. You guys need to enjoy this dumpster fire like I did. I'd like to go to one of these, in the same way that an anthropologist goes out to primitive tribes and observes their strange customs and mating rituals.

It shocks me not at all that GWAR is a part of this. Also, GWAR is a stupid fun concert that I recommend.

I saw that there was a group that took telescopes out there one year and showed off the moon to all the kids whacked out on drugs and diabetes. Funny thing, they never went back.


I get it. Juggalos, like furries, are one of the last cultural groups you can pick on without fear of reprisal. But a bunch of poor white trash gathering in rural Ohio to watch Tech Nine, Yellawolf and Gwar? I refuse to look down my nose at that. That is a truly victimless crime. Did you check out the vendor page?

    Tall Jess’s Druglord: The Game & Alligator Jesus (facebook.com/DrugLordGame/). Tall Jess presents Druglord, a boardgame that puts the world’s supply of weed, pills, cocaine, and heroin in your hands, as well as custom art, and select Morton’s List flavor. Also, Alligator Jesus will have custom grillz, Dark Carnival jewelry, and so much more.

I think it's time we all recognize that Juggalos are basically LARPers who like their speed metal with rap mixed in. And yeah - a lot of it is shit.

But I'll take Juggalos over Phishheads any day.

    One of the ICP road crew locates the video on his iPhone, and it is indeed withering: "The [Miracles] video is not only dumb, but enthusiastically dumb, endorsing a ferocious breed of ignorance that can only be described as militant. The entire song is practically a tribute to not knowing things."

    "Fuck you, man," says Violent J. "Shut the fuck up."

    "Did you anticipate this kind of reaction?" I ask them.

    "No," sighs Violent J. "I figured most people would say, 'Wow, I didn't know Insane Clown Posse could be deep like that.' But instead it's, 'ICP said a giraffe is a miracle. Ha ha ha! What a bunch of idiots.'" He pauses, then adds defiantly, "A giraffe is a fucking miracle. It has a dinosaur-like neck. It's yellow. Yeah, technically an elephant is not a miracle. Technically. They've been here for hundreds of years…"

    "Thousands," murmurs Shaggy.

    "Have you ever stood next to an elephant, my friend?" asks Violent J. "A fucking elephant is a miracle. If people can't see a fucking miracle in a fucking elephant, then life must suck for them, because an elephant is a fucking miracle. So is a giraffe."

Jon Ronson, "And God Created Controversy"

posted 763 days ago