There are plenty of reasons. First off, as Mark Carnall from the Oxford University Museum of Natural History pointed out in a series of tweets, not one of the paper’s authors is a zoologist.
Much of the authors’ speculation rests on the idea that the genetics of octopuses and their relatives are mysterious – yet a 2015 paper published in Nature revealed the octopus genome, so this is rather disingenuous.
Their heat resistant blast shields are too weak to withstand entry temperature. People are so stupid. I'm going to go back to drinking my daily half gallon of vodka and feel intellectually suprrgfufrrrrrr