I was recently at a screening of Where Dreams Go To Die, a film centered around Gary Robbins and The Barkley Marathons. I've posted on Hubski about him and about this race before. One of the questions asked was how he keeps going and what's next after/if he finally competes Barkley.

A part of Gary's response has stuck with me.

    You have to have something which scares you.
The example he used was the first time he went into Barkley he was scared because he didn't know what it was. The second time, he was even more scared because he knew exactly what it was. The fear, being afraid of this race, has been essential to his training to his fulfillment despite the back-to-back DNFs. This is something which I think applies far beyond a race, far beyond running.

What scares me? A lot of things, really. Uncertainty of the future, climate change, political change, the unknown and not being able to know. But, I think feeling confined scares me more than that. Boredom used to, and that's something I'm working on as I realize more and more that the fear of boredom is a consequence of our world of technology. But confinement. Being unable to explore the world around me through running, through hiking, maybe even through kayaking...it's terrifying. The external exploration is how I explore myself and provide a disconnect from technology. Sure, there are pictures after, but what isn't transferred are the miles and miles worth of thoughts that collect and are turned over and back again between leaving and returning to the trail head, car, home, wherever that may be. The meditation, the calming influence, the introspection. Losing that method of achieving solitude (or on more than occasion, socialization) would, at least initially, be devastating. Confinement within a relationship, which isn't to say I'm poly, because I'm not. But being in a relationship wherein my significant other doesn't share similar values and interests (oh no, not this again) or isn't able to be supportive of all these endeavors would be a waste of two personalities. Confinement within work, being unable to advance professionally or to continue to learn and develop new skills and interests. Having a dead-end, or 100% desk based job is a terrifying, calcifying concept to me.

What are you scared of?


People in general. Some time ago I would say 'crowds', but they aren't as bad as people can get in person.

I'm also terrified of (being a|dealing with) failure.

posted by ButterflyEffect: 675 days ago