Five years ago today, to the day, I moved out of my fifteen-years-older boyfriend's house and into a rented room by myself at the tender age of 21, almost 22. In retrospect, I see this as the moment I became to truly become a real person. With this move I had begun to assert my independence and self-hood. I began to learn what it was to live by and for oneself.
Looking back, there is so much in front of not-quite-22 year-old me. It's been a slow progression but I think, overall, that it trends upward and my life has become more positive and better for me, the person, every single year.
When was that moment, for you? The one that you believe defines the break, the essential start, of your self- and adult-hood?
I'm not there yet. It's supremely frustrating realizing that the dispositions you want to rid yourself of in order to feel more "real" and whole have simply manifested themselves in different ways. If adulthood is being self sufficient and being able to keep yourself alive with a roof over your head, then I'm there.
But as for real, that still feels like it's always just past the horizon, things are still up and down and I'm not sure how well I know myself. How does anybody really know themselves?