I have yet to tell this story to anyone, but I guess I probably should admit it somewhere just to be safe mentally and not bottle it up.

About 9-ish months ago I got a vaccination, took a prescription medication, and accidentally drank about half a beer on the same day and in short succession. Normally I am pretty careful with medications and alcohol (it's pretty easy if you don't drink that often to begin with), but I had forgotten that I took the pill and had a long day so decided to unwind a bit. I also didn't think the vaccination would really have an interaction with alcohol, and I wasn't really thinking about it anyway since the day wasn't going so well in the first place.

Well, the mix definitely was a bad one, as I got extremely dizzy. I stood up to go to the bathroom after trying to sleep/rest it off after 2 hours since my bladder had been full for about 30 minutes, but I couldn't really move on the couch because of the effects it was having on my head so I waited. After mustering up the energy to go, I stood up and went to the bathroom. About 90% of the way through (standing), I realized that I was losing consciousness and fast. It's happened to me before when I was on various anti-psychotics, it's called "orthostatic hypotension" and I know it when I feel it. Basically when changing states of laying down to sitting or standing your blood pressure normally drops, but under certain drugs and medications it can enhance the effect to the point that you pass out.

Well I for some reason thought I had more time than I did, I actually adjusted my footing to prepare for a slow descent to the toilet and tried to finish peeing because I didn't want to pee all over myself. I thought I had myself ready for a transition to sitting on the toilet, but I was wrong.

I fell like a sack of bricks and I don't remember the fall. I also don't remember the next 30-ish minutes.

I started to regain consciousness, but couldn't open my eyes or move. I thought I had died, or was in the process of dying. I had no idea where I was, no idea what I had done prior, had no thoughts in my head about anything nor really knew my own name. After about 15 minutes like this I managed to open one eye, to a blurry look of a light I couldn't make out because my vision was so blurred. I closed it after figuring out that I was actually laying on the floor of my bathroom, and prepared myself mentally for death as I suspected that I had hit my head on the ground and was probably bleeding out. I thought about the state of my affairs, was fine with even the worst of them, and continued to just lay there with my head propped up on the trim of the bathroom wall completely paralyzed.

After about... well I don't really know I think 2-3 hours laying there I actually managed to get up and go to bed and do a brief check of my head which felt fine on the exterior with no bleeding occurring. I woke up the next morning and didn't really think much about it, acknowledging that I had probably suffered a concussion and just accepted it.

I sat down for my morning shit, and saw the wall. There was a giant hole in the drywall where my head had been, my head was not resting on the trim as I had thought the night before. Approximately 2-4 inches in either direction and I would have hit a stud or an outlet and probably actually died. I spent the day getting a medium sized piece of drywall to replace it with, some compound and some tools and paintbrushes, and fixed the wall that day.

The next day I continued my routine of continuously working too much. It didn't even faze me. My life has gotten so hectic and work filled that I didn't even acknowledge to myself this happened in order to process it until months later when I actually had a bit of free time and was reminded of the occurrence.

All I really remember was the feeling of absolute peace laying on that floor when I was thinking I was about to die. I wasn't afraid, I wasn't worried, I wasn't sad or angry. My life was just going to be over and all of my earthly worries, fears, and stresses were no longer an issue.

I'm not suicidal, I don't "linger" in the streets to increase the likelihood of my death, I'm not a danger to myself or others. I simply now know that if I were to die tomorrow I probably wouldn't even notice or care. I've actually used this experience as a happy place to go to when I am my most stressed. Kind of disturbing I know, but it was probably one of the best moments of my life.

Honestly, I didn't think my brain could get any more screwed up than it already was, but it probably is now. In the time since then I have definitely acted a slight bit more impulsively at times, though I'm naturally bipolar so it's hard to distinguish, I've done some of my most technical work in this time, and I've also been my most peaceful during this time as well. It's almost like the experience just made me more of myself, or possibly just a perceptual difference after the fact.

Anyway, cool stuff. Just thought I should share before it ends up being some crazy supermax secret that I keep to myself at all costs, and ends up stuck with the rest of them that take decades to reconcile with the rest of myself.


elizabeth:

Ive heard similar thoughts from people having near-death experiences. Last one I remember was my brother having allergies without his epipen and could barely breathe and he talked about a similar feeling of inner peace.

I think it's somewhat similar to Meditation. When faced with a near death situation, your brain sort automatically gives you extreme "perspective" on things where you become "enlightened" for a moment. At least, that's my theory.

Thanks for writing this out, it was an interesting read.


posted by user-inactivated: 860 days ago